|[ zofz | 7:48 PM ]|

Saturday, November 4

ben (奔)

Had a 2d/2n chalet back in camp.
Mainly Thur night, friday (d/n) and sat day.

By right i should be using up all my off and be resting (or shld i say doing nothing) at home.

Several reasons:
1)My pride doesn't allow me to do so.
2)i got this gut feeling that i can achieve alot more in the chalet.
3)I want my last days in army to be fulfilling as always.
4)cos i want to make full use of their facilities...
5) if its 'one more day' that i can change the life of others, why not?

a)The 'sleep over talk' with yiguang and edwin was so fun. Chated so many stuff. Too bad we don't have a big blanket and touchlight and snacks. If its not because of his duty the day after i would be chatting with them till morning.

b)Morning was the run.
'This is really my last run in the unit compound,' I told zhuoyu (who came in 2nd),'lets make it big!'

I wanted to show everyone that as long as you don't give up, anything is possible. That is my last words of encouragement to everybody else.

I suddenly like the name 'Ben', because its the hanyu for the chinese word "to run". This blog is started of with the lyrics from the song 'ben', start running from the start line! Hence i want to end it off with a sprint! Nonetheless, i'm greedy, i don't want to just sprint, i wanted to fly. We flew in the end.

c)i spent the whole of afternoon and evening fulfilling my promise. Don't hate me.

d) I'm surprise that a friend i hardly know much talked to me about his problems. I'm very happy that someone opened up to you to share their problems with you. We chatted for 3 hrs. I imparted all optimistic philosophy to him.Really hope he can pull through his darkess period.
I ended off with,"only you can make yourself shine brighter than any other star!"

By living 'one more day', i did so many good things. I'm such a necessity to this world.. haha..

|[ zofz | 8:46 PM ]|

Thursday, November 2

loyalle

(i'm delicating my last few posts of the blog to Loyalle)

The scene of the day when we crossed path never failed to haunt me till this day.

It was the 7th july 2005, (the 2nd of june on the lunar calender.)
I was given the choice by wo tan chun kiat.
If i choose to enter unit 36, Loyalle will be in unit 39, and vice versa.

"What will you choose?" he said, in a very neutral tone and look,"whatever you choose i'll support you."

My thoughts was complex and deep, and fogged due to guard duty the day before..

'I'm already determined to go 39,' i scolded myself,' why am i still procrastinating? what is it that is holding me back?'

In all aspects, 39 is of advantage to me. In the first place, I tried so hard in my selection just because i wanted to be involved with 39.Loyalle? I knew he wanted to be in 36, its advantagous to him in terms of location from home and stuff.
But deep down my heart was screaming to think again.

The fact that this decision had to be made on that specific day might seem to be a sign for me. Perhaps a 'present', whichever i chose would be the best option made.

I eventually made a decision, my own decision. to be where i am in now.

when wo tan chunkiat asked me why i've made my original decision and changed it in the end, i just said its cos i wanted to be in control of the situation. Which is a lie..

And here i am.

At times, i wondered how things will turn out if i sticked to my original decision. Will i be happy? will the others be happy?
How abt loyalle. For sure he is enjoying his stay. However, will he be even better off here? Perhaps due to the luck factor, he might be activated and died? Its impossible to know.

That was why you rarely see me complaining in the unit. I have no rights to do so. It could be loyalle who is the one in my place. I'm doing everything in his part i say.

It never fails to make me wonder about this everytime i see him during events. We will certainly ask each other if we are happy.

This suddenly reminded me of the "parallel world" in which two similar people living in two different world, at times the world collides and the two people switched place.(or one go into the other's)

We share so much in common. Both middle child symdrome... I wonder what will happen if we are not 'either or' but to be placed together...

Wondering can be endless, i shall stop doing so.

Checkmate!!

|[ zofz | 8:45 PM ]|

All i wanted....

我只想坚持着我的信念，
潇洒自在，轰轰烈烈地跑完这段短暂的人生。
当然也无遗憾。
在着乱世里，保持着我那纯洁之心与独一的灵魂。

All i wanted is to firmly hold on to my beliefs.
Living in a life of being unrestrain，with style and attitude.
Certainly, with no regrats
In this chaotic world, preserving my heart of purity and unique soul.

We will only experience freefall when there is only ONE force acting on an object. Hence, if one wants to be truely free, there can be only one force that is driving one along.
The entire universe is driven by a will.
Let me be willful again.

|[ zofz | 8:18 PM ]|

Wednesday, November 1

darkness dreams

'Even if falling into the
darkness
can be a condition
for happiness

if i could keep my promise
just to meet you once more,

then
i would do anything possible.

If i could see you once more,

I

would be able to overcome anything '

Many had asked me why am i pushing myself so hard in many aspects.
At times, i feel so dirty in this darkness i've submerged into, because of a promise.
But because of this, I have to shine even brighter to cover up my scars and sadness.
As simple as that.
Nonetheless, no matter how much i tried to shine, can you see it from the other side of the world?

|[ zofz | 10:15 PM ]|

oh my! oh my!!

I don't go around taking picture of anyone i come across the street, really. This is the first thing i have to make clear before i start. I am totally incapable of do such things. So if anyone wants to give credits to the following picture its not me.

Here!













To anyone who first see this picture, of one guy puting his arms over the shoulder of another guy, it will seem ok. (I myself put more stuff over other people, but thats another story. ) BUT, the thing is that the shoulder is not the only place the hand was fiddling .

Weicai and i were shopping at suntec just now. We were heading towards the citylink so we can take the mrt. It was then i looked behind and something caught my eye.

Two guys were holding hands... how lovely...

Of cos it doesn't really interest me much, its normal to hold one's hands.... isn't it? Its just like shaking hands or arm wrestling... Eitherway, i took a glimpse and moved on.

It was during when we were up the escalator when in the corner of my eye, i think i saw something.... thats when i asked wc,"Are those two behind doing something not right?"

It took him a second or two before he realised something and turn back.

"oh my!"he said. And that confirmed what i think i saw. They were hugging one other. How lovey dovey...

We soon started chatting and before we knew it, the 'couple' were already infront of us. That was when we observed the fiddling part.

First, the hands still at the shoulder.Then it slowly moved down to the back and placed nicely at the belt level. Touch here, touch there...

All the way from suntec to city hall mrt. At times the hand will just encompass the head and moved it to the chest.... yah. So its something like, hand rubbing the hair, head rubbing the chest or something liddat.

I can't believe i'm writing this in my last few posts in this blog....

|[ zofz | 12:41 AM ]|

Monday, October 30

decision... choices choices

Been doing research for the past two days.
Its regarding my plans and schedule for the next few months.

Some of my original plans has already been scrapped.
this includes
a) going overseas: i have more important stuff to accomplish rather then going far far spending $$ and enjoying myself.

b) learning motorbike: as much as i would want to do so, i feel there is totally no point for me in learning.Moreover, there are people around me who are injured badly (my boss) or even died in a motorbike accident. So thats a nono for me.

c) learning lifesaving BM: I've no time wasting my time in a pool waiting for stuff to happen like what i've been doing for the past 1 yr. Nor i have the patience to sit on the chair giving permission to children to climb up the ladder to the water slide.

My mission now is simple, TO play with my strenght, to improve on my weakness.

Eventually i've come to a dilemma.
Do i
a) go find a part time job and to get working experience + $$. Good resume needs to have such experience one. Was thinking of doing teaching, i know that i'm a great teacher... or perhaps trying out something new...It will be fun!

Or
b) To help my father in his business. If there needs a time for me to do so, its now. Especially now he is having some problems and was vexing about it for weeks. And he has been going through this alone. But for all who know me well, will know my disliking for the business and perhaps him himself...

What will you do?

|[ zofz | 10:23 PM ]|

Sunday, October 29

reminisce

I've spent the last 5 days reminising my past. Unsealing all the worksheets, notes and textbooks, and packing everything into 25 bags of rubbish is not an easy task at all.

'Your past is what make you who you are. Because you know your past, thats why you know your future,' according to some comic i've read last yr.

There are sad people i've known that are running away from their past and hope for better future...

I've came to a conclusion of the list of things i've mess up, unable to face, unable to achieve and die die must improve on after seeing all my 'accomplishments'.

I've drove into camp yesterday night to move all my stuff back home. Chosen yesterday to do so was simply that i was able to access to the car, and there was not much people inside hence i can do it descretly. Ended up having more stuff to pack at home.

While watiing to drive father back home from toapayoh, we met a very old neighbour during the days when we lived there. AT times i wondered how my life will become if i'm still living in toapayoh. Perhaps i'll be best buddies and childhood playmates with them. Perhaps maybe jb, yc and i will be going to each other's house to study everyday. or perhaps i'll fall off the 17th floor and died yrs ago? hmm... possibilities can be endless..

I'll keep this short and simple for once...

|[ zofz | 1:31 PM ]|

Friday, October 27

A wind like breath

"If i always stay in the comfortable place
My smile will fade away like the cloud
There is no way i can stop and stand firm
in the harsh wind.

If you just picture your dreams and not take off running
Nothing will start
I wonder what will be waiting tomorrow
Right now i don't know; i want to find out
Lets head for the far reaches of the sky
grasping shards of hope into our pockets"

This words had been running through my head this morning during my last and final run in army. I've put in all i got in my last cross country for the unit, anymore effort from me can result in dire consequences.
Was running alongside with chris and henry most of the time. Been trying my best to beat chris since last year, so far during the last 3 competitions i've won him. It always feels good to win your boss, or shld i say ex boss...

'Its my last run with him, i'll put in everything i got on this one,' i kept on telling myself,'this is the only result and thing i can show him'

We were the wind that elegantly swift down from the sky, a wind like breath...
-------------------------------

AFter everything, i've met clement teo who was jogging at that area. He was my sec 1 junior when i was in sec 4. Its nice of him to cry out my name when he saw me, and his name just popped out from my mind when he did so.

-------------------------
bought the vcd 'v for vendatta' just now. Its the second vcd i bought after watching their movie. The first one is phantom of the opera. V got some of my philosophy in it, was dying to relook into it since i first watch the movie. Its vcd took a long time to release, and after its released, i've been waiting for its price to drop...

Come to think of it, phantom of the opera is showing!! i'm going for sure. anyone interested?

|[ zofz | 2:36 PM ]|

Thursday, October 26

out out OUT part2

I'm giving myself my well deserve break...

Anymore of those throwing items away like rubbish will make me cannot stand it and just give up. Its just so cruel to see myself throwing everything that are deem useless into the rubbish bags.

I happened to find stuff which i thought i've lost a few yrs back. Letters exchange from Priscilla and me during secondary school, greetings card from mdm wong and clara, 'letters' during angle and mortal during peer support camps and during jc... For sure i'm keeping them.

I found the nacil and obs cert and their notes. Kept the certs but threw away the notes. For i don't need them anymore, i'm already a leader.

Found my german file and textbooks. German was fun.
For sure i'm keeping all my chinese literature books, i got a feeling that they may be useful in the future.
I found my mother's biology textbook. It was in chinese. it was more then 20 yrs old. I couldn't bear to throw it away after it survive so long. But mother just came in and helped me dump it away. "I dont think we will be able to find another chinese biology textbook again' i said....

Navin replied and say i'll feel great after i've packed everything and find my room neat and tidy.

Suddenly, i found my some of my reports and essays. I din know i was a great crapper when it comes to chinese essays. It was no wonder, our teacher forced us to write thousand words essay for all. A big jump from 500 words a yr ago to 1000. Everyone was like crapping and bluffing their way through.

The peer support's "holy yellow book", i'm keeping all of them definatly.
I found my script of 'vivace', the classical music competition organised by the musical gang of leonard, tuan hao, eugene, terence, jingkai and me during sec 3. I was the emcee for this event.... I missed those days when all of us gather around the piano in the grand hall every recess, Jingkai and/or eugene will start playing the piano and the rest will just play along. That was our 'holy' gathering place ... I want to hear jingkai's turish march and phantom of the opera once again.

See!! no wonder i took so long to unpack everything...

I found some projects that mother and i did during primary school. "pioneers of singapore" ,"changi airport"..etc.. It was my project, but ended up mother was doing everything. Cannot bear to throw them away, but no choice... OUt you go..

Flipped thru the school annual. Found my art piece that was published in it... i was so good then.

Going for lunch now... lets hope i can finish fast and will not be sleeping in a room with everything on the floor once again tonight...

|[ zofz | 2:58 PM ]|

out oUT OUT !!

Being a ording personnel can be such a hassle.

There are just so many things to complete and u just can't use the excuse of 'i need to be in camp, no time to do' anymore. Yup! there is no time to lose anymore, no more excuses to give for not doing.

For those who knew me well enough to observe how my wallet looks. Yes, its always been a terrible shape. EVERYBODY asked why is my wallet packed with receipt!!

The truth is....

I don't want to forget. One of the most horrible thing that can happen to anyone is that we forget things that happens to us especially good experience...
By keeping receipt and ticket stubs, in a way whenever i look at it i'll recall that i've actually done something before, something that i'll never recall on my own.
Call me a sentimental person. All my memories and experience are impt to me, they are powers that made me stronger than before, i don't want to lose these powers.

What if i say my cupboards are filled and packed with 'memories'?

Those who have seen my wallet will have a horrible sight.
yes, its packed with the memories from my secondary and jc school days. Basically all my notes and text books.

I have to throw them away to make way for new things to come.
There are just so many things that i can't bear to throw away. But Someone once said "she3 de2" you must first "she3" in order to "de2"

And for the past 2 hrs, i've been trying my best to get myself to dispose every thing i can. And recalling of the experience i had in the past...

The first stack of notes i picked out was the maths paper, in chinese.That can only meant Mr shao weida. I missed him so much.
He was the only teacher who seen me through my 4 yrs in maris stella. He is 80 or 90 yrs old already, i think. He teaches maths in chinese.
When i first saw him walking around, i thought he was the school attendant or cleaner.
I could bearly understand him when i was in sec 1 cos he accent was like "ra ra la". When i told my mother abt him, i addressed him as "rarala lao shi"

His maths lesson is the most exciting. In his one piece of hand written worksheet everyweek, its where my interest in maths grew. And as interest grew, the more better i am in maths. It was during sec 2 when he showed me one of the project he made using bicycle wheels that i recalled that i've seen him in the newspaper when i was in primary school. He was amazing.
Shao lao shi live in the school, his only mode of transport to the outside world is his bicycle. He hates me for being so involved in npcc.
I'm glad i was able to see him one last time when i was in j1 before he went back to china.
Because of him, i took f maths in jc. Nevertheless, i ended up failing not only him but also myself miserably. For the first time in my life i've failed a maths test and got a Big O in JC. It was the most demoralising period i've ever been. I've actually lost my passion for maths. I post this up before that i've dreamt of him last yr, he was asking me very angrily in chinese,"where is your light?"
He is now part of my history, part of me. For him i'll be stronger, i'm more determined not to give up. So with that in mind, Maths notes and textbooks, OUT OUT OUT!!


Then it was the English file. The very first piece i saw was "spell me right" its a list of commonly misspelled words like "unnecessary" (or isit 'uneccessary') and "collapsed"...etc... Ms Tan laihua is a teacher who seen me through during sec 1,3 and4. I've let her down. During the 4 yrs in secondary school, i never knew why i just couldn't do well in english. It was during JC period when mr yee came to me and told me something that i've been doing that i myself didn't realised.

Tengda, you are always running away from your problem of not doing well in english.

It made perfect sense, i knew i didn't do well in my essay, i run away from it by not daring to take a look at it, by not daring to approach the teacher for help in the fear that they will just scold me for not doing well. Ms Tan is the library incharge, she always encourages us to go down to the library to borrow books to improve ourselves, she is just so kind. She has been trying her best to teach me all these while, yet because of my fear that made her effort gone to waste. I've let her down so much.

I took out the "spell me right" and a few inspirational notes , and the rest of the worksheets OUT OUT OUT!!

Chinese vocabulary handbooks was next on the self.
They never fail to give me the creeps of recalling the days we were memorising chinese words from the books. Mother was the one teaching, giving me spelling of the same words over and over again. Imagine being a mother and have to go through the same things with ur eldest daughter, eldest son and youngest son.
She never gave up. I've never regarded my chinese teacher in school as my chinese teacher. Mr han lf (sec1), he did his part in being the form teacher and helping the student in their problem but never really taught well...(not that i can rmb at least). Ms Lam sm (sec2) did a good job in instilling interest in chinese within us, i must agree that she IS a good teacher. Lastly was mr kay rentat, he just a slacker who became the hod of chinese for some reasons.

My mother tried her best in the only part she can in our studies. I don't want to lose this knowledge, i don't want her effort to go to waste.
Chinese vocabulary handbook, out out out!!


Next was homeecons and design and tech.
I can only recall ms liew. The loud n noisy . It is only with her around that i need to morph into my bitchy self to protect myself from her attacks. I can recall the glorious days when i always get perfect score for both design n tech and homeecones. Everybody else hates them. But it seems that i was the only one enjoying it since i'm so good at it. I took a glimps that all my assignment that had perfect score before saying 'out you go!'.

For physics, chem, and bio. I'm keeping them for they are certainly of some use in the future. TYS Out you go!!

Pheww!
Clearing stuff away can be so tired both mentally and physically...Just some stuff reminded me of so many impt people i wanted to rmb forever, i wonder how long do i need to take to finish everything .

|[ zofz | 12:46 AM ]|

Wednesday, October 25

death note

DeathNote is great!
If it was me 10 yrs ago, i will just be on the side of kira, wholeheartedly.

That was a time i wondered to myself, if i have the power to choose who will disappear from the world, who will i choose?

Everybody, i told myself, except my parents perhaps...

I was thinking wouldn't it be great that there isn't anyone else in this world to trouble you? Whats the use of having other people living in the world when they can't be your friend? even if they become your friend, they will leave you someday, so might as well let them disappear now...
The thought of me having to 'see other people's face' made me sick...

(perhaps that was why i was so interested in reading 'the curious incident of the dog in nighttime' the way the boy thinks was exactly like mine)

For me, i was an absolute individualist. I only rely on myself. My parents were the only ones in my world.

Then another thing was that, wouldn't it be easier to get things done in my own way?
something like , this guy is causing me so much trouble and suffering, just let him disappear!
Tada! and my problem is no more.

Just a typical me, who doesn't want to face the problem by wishing them to die and disappear. Guess i was cold, cruel, sadistic and last but not least weak in the past..

Nonetheless, things changed.

No one has the rights to judge if anyone deserve to die or not.
Noticed i nv use swear words like 'go and die' or something liddat. At most i'll just say "shit you".... and perhaps thats the best i can do...
who are they to determine if anyone lives or dies?
Certainly, killing criminals will make the world a better place. But its just a short cut way out. They are just another life.

Everyone has a dark past, and because of the past they are able to take a step back and shine even brighter in the future.

Its just too immature to think there is justice in taking away other people's life like that. it doesn't make sense to me.

Any further i think i can start writing my gp essay.

|[ zofz | 10:23 PM ]|

woo wah vivo

Met up with william and yongcheng to explore vivo city and to watch Death note.




(V. I. V.O)





William arrived first so up he went. Yc and i reached around 1.10pm, and we hurriedly entered the city. Since it was the first time we entered vivo city we were like so 'tourist', and we started making a fool out of ourselves while walking up, it was something like this:

yc: woo!! got city chain!!
me: Wah!! got Candy empire!!
yc: Wah sei! got infomation counter somemore!!
me: ayE!! escalator!! can move one!!
yc:wah lau! Got another escalator can go down!
me: aye look! got second floor!!
yc: wah! got Food Republic!
me: woo! got william! (thats when we found william)
yc:aye! got bag ! (pointing to his bag)

William: Wah! got two shua ku!

It was just so funny. Other people who saw us 'woo' and 'wah' and pointing to every single place in vivo will think that we are out of our minds. But we dont care!





some statues i took along the way





this 'snowman' is facing directly at sentosa.
according to the theory of william and me, it is feng shui to made sentosa 'leng men' so more customer will come here.





This 'pond' is ankle deep. School girls were playing at the other end of the pond/pool.
There is a "no lifeguard on duty"sign somewhere. But the thing is, the only way to get drown is to lie down flat on the front... hmm..









For the first time, i ate Carls junior. Didn't know it is so expensive!! spent $10 just one a combo meal... Considered it the first and last time ba...
We explored vivo city round and round and round. Talking crap along the way

I was asking things like,"since the moon is just reflecting the ray from the sun, will we get tan by being under the moon for long period? then we can have like moon tan"

We came across a shop "Pull and Bear" then we started asking one another how come got this type of name
william (pulling my ear): u pull the ear then must bear the pain
yc: u do pull up liddat, u pull liaoz must bear it
me: where got poohbear??

Then "Thefaceshop"
you threw away your face liaoz can go there to buy
The same thing for "the body shop " and "E spirit"

Too bad jb and the rest of the group are not there, else i think it will be more fun!

|[ zofz | 9:45 PM ]|

Monday, October 23

自由

change encoding to 'unicode' to view this post,change size to large if necessary.

我来到一个没有人认识我的地方，坐在正在颠簸得香蕉船上，听着如雷般的海咆哮。炽热的阳光仿佛刀刃割破滑嫩的皮肤，伤口那么多，已在没得受伤了。

没人知道我的过去；也不知我的未来。我现在并非腾达，我就是我。

海面就如丝绸版如此的华丽，高贵，
但殊不知在那浪漫的海底竟然会是重重危机。
让人在这虚伪的美景感到莫名的感伤；
蜿蜒在树林中的绿河，叫人疑惑。

我只想坚持每一步该走地方，难道追求梦想以自由会是如此的坚熬？
可是，如果自由并非如此，那么它会有什么价值呢？
想拥有那无限的力量就得付出的代价， 你愿意付出多少？

‘完美’对我们来说是这么重要吗？

我好喜欢，好喜欢那任性的蔚蓝海域。
好喜欢那神秘的碧绿岛屿。
好想好想抱着他们不放。

有时，我幻想会不会有人鱼上前问好。
幻想会不会有水精灵与我交友，
或者海怪突然出没和我们招手。

好想好想。。。 。。。

|[ zofz | 7:19 PM ]|

Tuesday, October 17

OUT you go!

Went for a hair cut just now. And the good natured, good temperate me quarrelled with a lady ! Come to think of it, there isn't much people i throw my temper with during the past 1 yr. The only one's i've done so were weekeat, navin, yiguang.... i think..

Back to story. It all happens at the $10 cut, in which customer will just buy a card and queue up at the seats. When i reached there, there are only 2 custormers. I'll call them A and B.
While i was queueing behind A and B, there was this lady who came rushing into the shop and approached A.

Let this disgusting lady be C.

C asked A, 'can i be in front of you? i'm in a rush.'
A impatiently replied,'i'm in a rush too!' (certainly its just a polite way to say no)
Then C continued,"Then its ok, i'll continue to join my queue behind you"

Apparently, had came earlier between A and B, just that she went out for a while.

It was then, the hair dresser said,"you cannot like that.... you have to queue from behind.."
C snapped,"I came early, i just went outside to shop."

Any reasonable people will understand this is not right! Its not as if the card is a queue number...

Hair dresser rolled the eyes and ended of,"liddat the people behind you will not be happy.."

The lady started questioning B if its ok. B doesn't mind
And she asked me, I gave a smile but didn't say anything.

It was only around the time the lady was almost jumping to the seat that i started saying,"I mind."

I started smiling at her and saying mean stuff until she was like ok fine! u go infront of me

so in a way, im now in front followed by C then B who doesn't mind.

It was only few seconds later, C was so irritated that she approached the stuff and said,'i dont want to queue already, i want a refund!!"

Everybody (else) was giving out a smile...

At times, to make everyone happy we need to make one unhappy. Don't you think so?


Anyway, Today is our platoon SPeak GOod Chinese DAY! started by Edwin and ME!
It was so frustrating and irritating when we could not speak any english at all.
Alot of terms like 'platoon','private' and equipment were so foreign to us.
Its quite sad to know it was just two yrs ago that i can proudly say that i think and speak purely in chinese, yet today without the english term i can't even express myself.
Its nice to see mr alex playing along, its so fun.

Today everyone is quite sick. i'm of no different. Do take care.

|[ zofz | 10:13 PM ]|

Sunday, October 15

so many things to share

there are just so many things to share and all are impt to me.
I know that if i squeeze everything out, it will be disgustingly packed and horrible.

First thing first, I've been avoiding phone calls. Numbers that are private, or specifically some numbers i've been avoiding. 4 people to be exact, all of them are girls. Its so irritating to be waken by them in the middle of the night to have the msg "hi ! what are u doing now!" , " lets go expo tml..."
Especially from a mysterious candy whom just called us liddat and wanted to be 'friends'.
Suddenly reminded me of the people whom always avoid my call.... haha... but do you think i care? :P

Anyway, last night while i was sleeping (around 11pm plus), i received a call from a 10 digit number. That would mean its from overseas.

who on the right mind will want to call me from over seas? i thought.

Just as i was going to reject it and continue sleeping, some part of me told me to pick it up. And so i did.

TENGDA!! the caller said

I immediately knew who it was. Normally when i received his call, i'll be sleepy. But for this time, i'm suddenly awake.

When have you ever try not calling me while i'm sleeping halfway?? i said jokingly

It was from ganesha, he actually called me from australia just to say hi.
For now, i'll forgive him from waking me up.

My second sentence: you sure i'm not paying for this call??

We chatted for a while before i got disconnected, guess he didn't pay enough $$ for his call. Its nice to know someone so far is calling because they miss you and not cause i'm of some use to them.... ...


Went windsurfing today and yesterday! Its fun! I'm one of the 2 who manage to gasp the technique upon learning it the first time... I'm so good.

|[ zofz | 6:53 PM ]|

The silent witch

Listen to the story:

There was once a witch who built an invisible wall that surrounds a village.
The people were permitted to enter but none could escape.

Since then, the witch no longer spoke.

Out of fear that the witch is up to no good, the villagers began to hate and detest her.

One day, the town people could stand no longer more, so they took torches in their hand and set fire to the witch's house.

Being weakened by the fire, the witch can no longer sustain her spell. The invisible wall disappeared. It was then monsters appeared from the outside and started attacking the village.

After a long battle, the witch turned the monsters into stone and the village became peaceful once again.

It was only then when the villagers realised the wall was placed to protect them from the monsters, and for the wall to remain she could no longer speak.

All the witch wanted was to protect the village. Instead of appreciating her, the villagers wanted to burn her. Isn't it sad to be doing things with all your heart or perhaps all you wanted is to help, ended up no one appreciates and even accused you for causing trouble.

|[ zofz | 6:09 PM ]|

Saturday, October 14

fri 13

yesterday was the friday of 13. It never fails to disgust me whenever someone blames bad things that befallen onto them to something so innocent like a person or just another day.

Gu was one of the people who kept on blaming since 6am in the moring. And because of that, i suddenly rmb that it is yin yong's birthday as well!

People normally blame unfortunate events that happens to them on the 'evil'. And that made me wonder what 'evil' really is.

An incident happened today while i was super busy that i scolded yk. All he wanted was to help me. Instead of thanking him, i actually scolded him! It suddenly reminded me of the story of 'The Silent witch' i get to know sometime ago which i'll be sharing in my next post.

That day was the last chance of me getting tired because of unit work. I think i'll miss this sensation.

Got home not long ago, and the washing machine plus dryer was already installed! So that means from now onwards, there will be no need for us to hang our clothes outside to dry!! Technologies....

Notice how awkward my sentence structure is, i must be very tired... night

|[ zofz | 1:51 AM ]|

Monday, October 9

suddenly rmb!

I suddenly rmb that father's birthday was somewhere in september.

Guess that the entire family had already forgotten abt it ba.

Doesn't matter to us anyway.

oh well.

Currently, my entire body is aching in pain due to yesterday's training. i can't even move my body upon waking up. Paralyised in bed for half an hr or so before i can get myself up.

Will be going shopping with mother later to buy her stuff and my overseas stuff.
I'm all excited. Lets hope i can find the things i want.

Weicai and i going for our marathon training later in the evening.

Today will be a fruitful day.

|[ zofz | 11:24 AM ]|

Sunday, October 8

kayaking round ubin !!

I've always wanted to kayak to a far far away place. The sea will douse alway all my sorrows, the wind will dry up all my tears.... It is one of the few things that made me feel most alive and free.

Ubin would be far enough, i thought.
But when i got to know that they are organising an expedition to malaysia, i knew that i must go for it, i have to.

Today is the training session for this expedition. We went one round ubin.
As this is the first time i'm going for such things, i woke up 15mins earlier just to ensure everything is packed nicely.

I packed mooncake into the kfc's free tupperware, so i can eat it along the way.
Packed in the water bottle which the unit gave during its birthday
followed by the soap and shampoo which i took from shangri la.
I brought along a small 'new paper big walk' bag to put my gear
And the navy cap which i got from open house
(other than that, the rest are all not free)

*REached there liaoz*
When we were told that we will need to partner up for the doubles, everyone was rather unhappy. We were all trained and professional paddlers! its an insult for us to be in a double!! They valid they decision by saying its for the logistic
Though most of them insisted on a single, i was approached by an old man to be his partner and so i just took the double.

That old man is a very experience paddler, he joined a club and went out to see every sat. The more he shared about himself, the more i feel safe to be with him. his name is gerald.

Ended up there are only 3 groups of double. 2 school girls, 2 old (experiened) man and us!

And off we go!

Being in a double have all the disadvantage we can think of (heavy, hard to control, unstable..etc), nonetheless gerald and i were the first to be leading the group. The two girls were the last, they cannot make it.

Gerald was nice enough to show me around the island, and he introdued me to his club which is called 2 degree north club. He introduced me to his friends (the two old man) who were all very keen of me in joining them.

Everything is smooth until 1 hr later. We were approached by the trainers for assistance. Apparently the two girls cannot make it already. They want the stronger paddlers to pair up with the weaker ones. And so, we repartner in the sea.

My new partner is jeniffer, or jessie or janice...can't rmb, so i'll just call her J for now.

With J around, i'm a nobody.
As much as i'm used to doing 2 people's work by myself. Paddling is another thing. I litereally have to encourage her to paddle all the way.

"Dont give up!!"
"JIA YOU!!"
"We are reaching!! can u smell the nice nice food?"
"we reached already , i give u a piece of my nice nice mooncakes!"
"faster!! u very slow leh!!"

Phew! to think we manage to get to the lunch point. It was then i took out my mooncake, it was soaked in seawater. J was like -_- , all her efforts on paddling were for nothing..
(i eventually ate the saltymoon cakes when i got back home... yah)

The last few km was horrible, she didn't even want to paddle. And i was too tired to give any encouragement. We drifted away from the mainbody by ALOT. Made them have the impression that i'm very weak. My ex-partner with the other girl, lynn, were somewhere in the middle of the group. Gerald found it impossible to get infront of the pack without me.

I really hope they wouldn't pair me up with anyone of them during the actual expedition... PRAY pray...
Mother heard my story and she became worry. "Dont pair up with girl! if u meet up with pirates will have a hard time running away! very dangerous! she will pull u back!"

When she said that, the movie tombraider just started and Laura was at the scene of doing some gymnastic stunt to get the sphere.

she continued,"if its her or me 30 yrs ago, then u can partner with girl"

|[ zofz | 10:12 PM ]|

Saturday, October 7

Freedom

Even if the universe will burn out someday
Even if you almost collapse from sorrow
There will always be the sun to guide your way
And there will always be more tomorrow

To those who watched LOST will know about how the survivors have to type in the "Magic numbers" into the system so that something bad will not happen. They kept on typing in every 108 mins until one day, one of them were asking,"why are we doing this? maybe this is all just a psychological test!"

And they decided not to type in the numbers anymore.

There is a system. To those who are involve will feel its importance. To others it may just a silly repetitive of action. Everyone is fighting for their own freedom. They don't want to be tied into the system.

As i said, i've been thinking about this for quite sometime already. To the extent i don't know what i'm thinking

Can anyone enlighten me??

|[ zofz | 9:55 PM ]|

Hazy Moon

The mid autumn festival is supposed to be a day of union and life.
Perhaps its due to the hazy moon that made everything haywire.

Things were alright at the beginning. With me going out to roller blade with alan, followed by ord party at fabien's house...

Bad things always happen to me during the full moon. Please do not let me hate the moon once again.

Today is the last day i'm doing some duty with my boss.


I love moon cakes

|[ zofz | 9:40 PM ]|

Friday, October 6

celebration! party!

I always HATE having any celebration at night. Things like wedding dinner, or outing or party.
I don't like it to be held at night. Celebrate something at the end of the day, it never fails to give me the sense of melancholic. I don't like this feeling at all.

I think i've mentioned it long time ago how nice it would be to have wedding lunch instead of wedding dinner. Things celebrated in the day tend to be more lively, happy and bright, whereas people get lonely and moody and sad at night. I like to see people happy.


The platoon dinner we have just now was of no exception.... .... i think i was behaving inboth extremes to cover up my uneasiness.

TaDa!!
below is my junior who will be taking over my legacy.
.







(photo is edited in a way for security)



I've given up trying to duplicate another me in him.
He has to choose the path he desire and deem to be right on his own.
For me, i'm just a ghost who just appear and disappear almost immediately in his life.
A wind i will say.
As much as i will say that my prediction is never really good, my judgement of people and forsight have never fails me. Anyway, today i feel like slapping him for some reason i do not wish to share.




There is another junior i must really mention. He is yue han.
He is the only person i've acquainted after so long in army that reminded me of something very important that i've forgotten. That i'm an artist and a musician.
I always say that All those who are into arts have very unqiue character he is of no exception.
He has the potential of doing something great, i can feel it already and i'm looking forward to seeing him shine in the future.

|[ zofz | 12:37 AM ]|

Thursday, October 5

What A MESS!!

(back date entry from 1st oct, sunday)

My initial plan was just to tidy up a tray on my table.
Then i decided to tidy up another one.
Since i'm already started tidying, i might as well tidy more and so i unpack another tray.
Before i knew it, i started to unpack all my bags (dated from my A lvl) and capboards and trays.

The entire floor became like this:











And just as you think the floor is full enough to get any worst.
Here comes my table....













and then bed










What a MESS!!
Was so frustrated with the mess i made during my intention to tidy the place up that i kept on running out of my room to escape the scene and ran back again because i knew something need to be done.

It took me more then 1 hr to clear as many things as possible. I gave up eventually as my juniors were waiting desperately for my ride back camp. I shut the door and warn every single one of my family that if they don't want to have a shock of a lifetime, do not go into my room! and left home. Even now my room is in this state! will start part two tml morning. i hope.

|[ zofz | 11:58 PM ]|

Sunday, October 1

what i like to do, what i need to do

Went for a run just now. It's so enjoyable running for 1 hr exactly. Unlike playing games or watching shows, i know i'm benefiting myself for the time spent.

I've made a willful decision to start earlymy plans of persuing the things i love to do. That would mean i'll have to be slightly irresposible to throw all my responsibilities to my poor juniors. For that i'm truly sorry.

I've put my dreams on hold for quite some time already. The irregular timing in the army made me hard to concentrate.

Its another10 more months to go for me to persue the things i like to do before doing the things i need to do. Even my plans of going overseas is nothing compared to what i'm pursuing.

According to bryan the 'magic numbers' from Lost can be passed on to the next survivor already.
I really got no time to lose anymore.
At times i'm very angry with wee keat for he spent his time playing games, if time is transferable , i will be most happy to pay him to transfer the extra time he has to me. I'll help him to spent it wisely.


The pics below is taken from yesterday's ma la huo guo. Super spicy... i wanted to cry then.

|[ zofz | 6:44 PM ]|

Saturday, September 30

do's and don'ts

As much as i tried my best to deny, there are two commonly edible things in this world which i don't take. I would rather kill myself than to consume the following:

1)beer
2)chilli


mr wei cai is one of the few who witness me consuming the two on two occasions. You can ask him, how these two and me cannot be mixed.


2 more mins to the end of september.
Happy children's day!

|[ zofz | 11:44 PM ]|

Friday, September 29

a little more things about me

Here is something more about me.

I'm always a very traditional person, cos i'm from a traditional family.

师， 育，维，英，增， 光， 家，国，永，庆，平，成。

(do use unicode to view the above)

For those who doesn't know, there are some family who uses a specific name for the member of each generation. It is to keep track of their own generation and bei1 fen4.

For me, i'm the 7th generation born under the moonless night during the 7th day of the 7th month. (sounds crappy, but its just so happen to be liddat)

so by right my name supposed to have to word ‘光‘ or in english 'light'.
Then my children will follow through with the name "家‘... so on and so forth.

As most would have known, the singer alan tam yonglin. His name contain "永’, if it follows the sequence, he shld be by right 3 generation my junior.

Perhaps that is why i kept on saying that i wanted to be the Light. And even things like 'i want to make myself shine even brighter than anyone else'. It sounds cool in a way ba.

And because my name is not what its supposed to be, i like it even more. ITs breaking away from the tradition i would say.
it made me so pround to tell everyone ,"大家好，我是谭腾达！”

|[ zofz | 10:33 PM ]|

Thursday, September 28

introvert x extrovert

i've typed a long essay abt our conversation with our unit rsm today regarding several things.

But it suddenly disappear! i don't really feel like retyping again.

I'll do it in point form ba

when and Where: today's unit cohension day during the bbq chalet
who: rsm, navin and me
why: ??
what:
1) his definition of introvert: someone who will not make a move unless they accessed the situation they are in are safe and they are comfortable in it.

2)always believe in yourself
3)never look down on people
4)must open your heart for people to help you when you are depress
5) he force me to a tiger which i declined very stubbornly

|[ zofz | 11:17 PM ]|