links

Wednesday, May 31

shopping spree part 2!

Ended up going IMM to shop with mother and sister.
People always wondered y i can be so crazy abt shopping. Look below to have some clues...

Initially our shopping cart is empty, all we wanted was to buy JUST some vegetable, eggs, meat and snacks..

Then our shopping cart became like this..








Then it became like this:













Spent more then$200 just on this shopping trip...
I wonder y...

|[ zofz | 5:11 PM ]|

Tuesday, May 30

what am i doing here?

Suddenly, i found myself to be very feel today.

The amount of post in my blog i would say is proportionate to the amount of free time i'm having.
I seriously don't know how am i going to spend my time wisely today. Or simply wasting it away thru maple. Have i ever mentioned that mapling is a great way to waste the time away?

Mass messaged to all my friends.
All the guys are all in army,
All the gals are all working.
Juniors are schooling.

I found myself dreaming more frequently these few days. It really shows how not tired i am recently compared to the exciting 3-4 months of action packed period... But then, being not tired shows that i'm not doing anything, and if i'm not doing anything, am i living?

|[ zofz | 10:31 AM ]|

Sunday, May 28

shopping spree!!

Original plan for sat was to go to expo for the food fair.
It was posponed to sunday due to unforseen circumstances.
Next original plan was to go to westmall to help up in the blood donation drive, but before i realised it, i found myself at yishun mrt. Thinking its so silly to go back where i came from, i've decided to change my plan.

Called the 2103 guys gang. ALL of them (finally) were not involved in any work or army related stuff, nonetheless due to the last min rally, only alan can make it. We hence made our way to orchard for the GREAT S'PORE SALE!!

Knowing i've spent $600 during the week, i've told myself that it will just be window shopping... it will be window shopping... window shopping. And to those who shops alot, we all know how tiring window shopping can be. We were so tired until alan eyed on the first clothes and bought it. With that, we started buying, buying and buying... So sinful... its like during the past 3-4 months, other than food, i've not spent any money to buy items for myself. But then,Its like once u start, u can't stop (especially everything is on sales!!)...

Met quite a few people along the way, alan bumped into his cousin and friends. I've bumped into my boss's boss, we were so stunted to meet each other that we were at lost of words upon seeing each other.
Then on our way back, i saw a jh-like person who have 90% resemberence. Only that person got gold colour hair..

Sunday's event:
Went to expo for the Food festival!! For yc sk and me, its a FOOD FEAST! so many stores and free items!! yum yum... especially the super nice ice cream cream puff!! initially, each toothpick got one small portion of the food, i managed to pick 4-5 portions into one toothpick. Managed to influence yc and sk to follow suit. We were amazing...

ITs not surprising how taking a slow walk to every store avaible can be so filling, equvilent to a lunch. I've ensured we had balance diet like fish, meat, veges, fruits, rice and noodles. We even took milk and tonic from some of the stores...We were scary..
Eugchua (who cannot make it for the trip) reminded us to be nice yesterday, but there are things u cannot be nice with... Bwahahaa!!

|[ zofz | 10:26 PM ]|

Friday, May 26

stop me if you can

I found my previous post was badly written. This always happens when i have so much ideas inside that i need to squeeze them out. It was like alot (and i mean ALOT) of thoughts started flowing as i was listening to what the historian said. Before i realised it, everything is squashed and packed together. Being too engross in spilling everything out, the phrasing, structure and needless to say the grammar had gone haywire.

I will assume that normal people will not be able to understand a badly written post that contains complex thoughts so i've decided to type out this post in this style.

First thing first, i didn't mention what religion i was refering to, interpretation is up to one's own guilt or experience. So yah, hate me.

Perhaps why i say what i've said was due to my own personality. I've mentioned to several people before (i think)that 'i will not allow anyone to hold me back or to keep me in, i do what i want, stop me if you can.'
I hate to be contained, doesn't everybody feel so?
I just want to choose what i believe in.
As mentioned on the left abt myself, i have my own set of rules and way.

Somesay that i'm stubborn, i'll say i'm strong willed. Stop me if you can.

I rmb there was once i posted up a survey that philosophy was top of the list on what i major in. I think too much, so much that it is beyond normal people understanding. Everytime people asked me why i do things in such a way, i will be too lazy to explain.
cos explain already, they wouldn't be able to digest, even if they digest also will not understand, even if they understand they will also not able to execute.. so might as well..

anyway, woke up early morning at 6am, went out to drive until 840 liddat. I found myself being less reckless in driving. Hard to imagine how i was speeding on the road during my first few lessons cos it was simply so easy. My orignial plan was to go out the entire day but no one seems to reply so i got home and slept till afternoon. It started raining the entire day, played the senseless game of maple to waste my day away... ... nonetheless, tml will be interesting...

|[ zofz | 8:41 PM ]|

Thursday, May 25

another eventful day part 2:The code

Listen to me very carefully as i will say this only once..

The original agenda was to talk abt the book abt its fact and factoid. True, she provided fact to discredit some claims of the author.

But all in all, she ended up trying her best to sell her religion. Saying that there are truth in it.
'u all should follow the truth and not to go the wrong way', she said,
' just like u see ur friends going the wrong way, only u know the right way, dont u think its ur responsibility to tell them to go the right way? "...

She used several convincing facts to back her up (all of these people does so), but i have my own reservation in terms of the truth which i don't think its appropriate to mention it in a blog.

After so long, i've learnt that there can never be a 100% truth in anything, the only thing that can be closest to the truth is yourself. Only you can know the truth about yourself (provided u are not lying to urself that is). Other than that,every thing else can be gray and debatable, even maths. I am my truth..

Nonetheless, my point is even if the religion is the truth, why should i follow? why should i follow the way that has been set by some other people whom i never know? by Living in the path of others,or living in the name of others. Are you really living? are u truely free?
I am me and myself only. I do things by my way, my rules cos its my world, my life. I don't need instructions from any sacred text to tell me of the right way, for i am my way. So out you go!

There are people i know who spend their entire life learning religions
and their essence, trying to find out the truth and the way of life. While some were obssess into it. But being visionary in such a way, they tend to overlook that the most important things in life are the things around around themself. i pity them. Can they be truely happy?

My mind, spirit and soul are mine, myself alone. The one and only, no one can ever take them away from me. For they are the only things that are truely mine.

|[ zofz | 11:01 PM ]|

another eventful day, part 1: event

READ my lips

Today is another eventful day, i can split this day into two parts. The second part is more cheam so i decided to have a post abt it just for it self.

Here i go.

I reached NJC at 930am this morning to collect my 'A' lvl cert. yes correct, the cert that shld have been collected 1 yr ago just that i was so busy to do so and the only two times i have the choice turned out to be a failure.

Couldn't find any teacher as my schdule today was tight. Went to the canteen today just for the food.

milo big plus pearl still $1
carrot juice still $1
yong tao fu plus bean sprout plus bee hoon plus soup still $1.5
spagatti still $1.50
soup still $1

So cheap!! my everyday lunch expense was at most $5 in the past!
I soon realised how i managed to train my appetite to be so scary....
I bought my milo big plus pearl and left to meet eugchua at 10am ,supposedly. We ended up playing 'hide and seek' along the 3 bridges, along the road between his school and mine. We were trying to help the other to walk less by making the effort to walk more to the closer spot, but ended up switching places...

Anyway we watched X MEN!!! the movie was great but we dont really like the plot and story line. How can the main character die like that? want to know who died go and watch urself... its very sad lor. Then got 1 character come out equal don't come out , those who watched the show would know what i meant. So stupid lor.... (unless its a prologe for xmen 4)

Straight after that we went to a very very cheap and filling resturant at cineleisure. He brought me there. Wouldn't have been there if not for him. The serving size is enormous while the price is just $6, and we have free flow of soup.
We stayed there very very long, topping up the soup every chance we got.
Till the waiter was like coming to us upon seeing our soup bowl was emptied and ask 'may i clear ur bowl?'. Can read his thoughts of 'oh no' when we said we are going to refill... haha.

We talked abt almost everything until its abt time for the evening event. The event was a talk by some history abt fact and friction regarding THE CODE...

|[ zofz | 10:36 PM ]|

Sunday, May 21

what a laugh

went downstairs and ate my chocolate ice cream after finish typing my previous post.
Mother was downstairs practising the chinese song that she said she would be performing, the name of the song is 'adultery'

Yes, what an ugly name. I personally dont like that song.This song spread unhappy message to the listeners, making them sad and suspicious.

Therefore, i commented,"aiyoh! u can never sing out the true essence of this song as u dont commit such sin nor involve in it as a victim. Only those who experienced this can sing out this song's fullest potential."

My mother replied,"you see har, 1) where got people involve in such sin go around telling everyone that she or he is involve? They will be too embarress or guilty to sing such a song already, so only those who don't have adultery can sing the song. 2) those who involve will be so sad already, crying so badly how to sing? So this song is meant for people like me to sing to console those victims.."

She never failed to surprise me with her quick wit and logical thinking. I started laughing and laughing after hearing her explanation.

|[ zofz | 5:33 PM ]|

food...

I've been spending quite alot on food recently. Can't get myself to be really full these few days. And when i say it, i mean really eat.

It was so scary.
I was amazed by my own ability to eat during the numberous platoon buffet. How i can eat 5 apple pies in a roll after eating my ba cuo mee dinner. how my stomach grumble 30 mins after i've eaten a proper meal...

My new pc recognise me as, 'oh! the one who always have food in his mouth one har'
My medics, zw and sx agreed that the lunar 7th month arrives early this yr.

Even when working in camp till late late, especially for this week, i've been asking my people if they want food and called the noodles stall in changi village to deliver the food to my camp.
(believe it or not, the uncle who deliver the noodles drives a mercedes)

On my way back home from camp, i've conveinently bought banana milkshake ($2.20) and yami yogurt ($3.40).

I suddenly rmbed i had a chocolate icecream buffet last week. Its like i didnt eat any proper meal for the day, just went to the fridge and ate ice cream and ice cream and ice cream.

Was searching my name 'tengda' on the search engine minutes ago, trying to see if anyone is typing good things abt me on blogs or something. Realised that there is this "Tengda asian bristo"... sounds tasty...

|[ zofz | 4:55 PM ]|

Saturday, May 20

it is I (edited on 21st)

I found myself being a workaholic ever since i came to this unit. Been months before i realise it. But over these few months, i've been working for different reasons, i think...

(this part was removed as i was unable to write out the intended meaning)

Many in the unit joked that i might as well sign on as a regular, i bear all the better qualities of it. What they cannot understand no matter how i explain to them is that the only difference between the others and myself is that I'm not running away, i'm accepting my situation, confronting it, solving it, enjoying it...
............................

Was at a bus stop just now. Saw a vjc girl (cant rmb her face though)holding on to 2 sunflowers. Was wondering is she the giver or receiver. Eitherway, she is so lucky.

it was 5 mins later when i saw wy, an important friend of mine whom i've never talked much to. He saw me and made a loud "AYE?", and i just waved and smiled. He boarded the bus after that...

|[ zofz | 1:18 AM ]|

Sunday, May 14

Happy Mother's day!

Today is mother's day! Got home at around 1opm after accompany alan for his wearing of contact lens session which took 1 hr exactly. Reminded of me taking less than 30 mins the last time i did it and the entire day for some friends.

When i got home, i was greeted by the tasty aroma of KFC laid nicely on the table. Mother was guarding it, ensuring no one took a bite until everyone returns, so meanwhile she was ironing our clothes beside the table. Drank her herbal tea before going up to bathe. It was around that time, sister came back with the cake.

How timely. Refreshed, i went down and gathered with the rest.
Other than father, all of us were there. Its Happy Mother's Day! i supposed father doesn't have a part in this celebration...

Once the cake is prepared with candles and a 'happy birthday' sign which i put it in as i don't want to waste the given sign.We sang the 'happy mother's day' song.

It goes like this, 'happy mother's day to you, happy mother's day to you, happy mother's day to mimi, happy mother's day to you!"

My mother's version is slightly different, she sang like this, "happy mother's day to me, happy mother's day to me, happy mother's day to myself, happy mother's day to me"

As i had jokingly suggested to my sister 2 days ago that i'll not buy anything but to show my love to mother, she stared at me and said,' wheres the love?'

Then everyone started kissing mother and vice versa. I was so hungry then that i almost bite her cheek... erm.. yah.. haha

|[ zofz | 7:06 PM ]|

Friday, May 12

the bet

I really hope they know what they are doing.
I was at my office yesterday morning when i over heard something...

a:'how much do we have in our platoon fund?"
b: $100 plus
a: This sat the match sure win one
b: lets make the money grow...
a:yah, then next week can grow even more...

I hope they don't try anything funny... ...

I must say, i still dont see the fun and excitment in soccer. i've tried, really...

Currently, i've spent my entire day at home, typing. Bringing my work back home to do is the least of my worries, whatever is happening for the next two weeks is. Don't we just love it being in my vocation? Every turn a surprise, every moment gets better, so exciting...

|[ zofz | 5:43 PM ]|

myself

I find myself being less of a critic. I rmb how i use to analyse people from head to toe and judged them accordingly, i'm not doing so now.

I'm still strong willed. People say i'm just stubborn. Theres nothing wrong with that i hope. Someday, my will will be so strong that it can defeat any weapons...

As much as i don't want to admit, there are still some part of me being a perfectionist. Perfectionist are never happy people. I'm glad i'm not so perfect.

I realised that i've been sharing my problems more often. It is only when u really accept that as a problem that you are willing to share it. Whereas, it is only with courage that u can accept problems.

I can cry anytime now. But the thing is, i cant really find things that can make me cry now.

I want to complete my book. I want to run. I want to get it over and done with. I like hello panda, prawns, apple pies.... basically anything that is edible (according to zw)
I enjoy myself. I'm tired. The more tired i am, the more i know that i've lived. I need to know, i'm just curious. The only thing that can really kill me is boredorm.
I like people who are interesting. Everyone of my friends are all interesting people. I love people who are unique. Nope, not 3 eyes and 2 nose. I feel like playing mah jong and chess.
I feel that i can do anything.
I like water sports, i want to get my 3 star cert.
I used to hate cars, they are a problem, i'm accepting them just like how i'm accepting things that i use to hate and fear.
I'm not accepting lizards and crocks.
I am learning dancing. i'm a good dancer. Dance with me.
I believe that there is a god, but they are just there to create soul and to watch over them, that is the only thing that they can do, the rest is up to us.
At times i wondered if i'll be able to see an alien today. I'm looking forward to see them someday. Mermaids are not real, but i still envy them. For, I love the water. please don't drag me down or hold me back, i'll run through you if there is a need so. People say i'm optimistic about my bubbly world, i say its is simply so exciting. I'm forced to grow up. Please don't force me to do anything else. For me, i don't believe in zodiac or horoscope. I don't need words from unknown source to decide the colour of my shirt or who i'm going out with today. I do things with my gut feeling, feelings right i'm ready to go. I never regret.


I am myself, me and only me...

|[ zofz | 1:25 AM ]|

table tennis

Sports for the week! table tennis!!
Went out with lh at 8pm to play tt at yishun stadium. I'm glad i've improved alot during the past few months if not i'll not forgive myself.

lh and i were in the school team during our primary school yrs. Our skills were almost comparable then. He continued with the sports in secondary and in jc. It is undeniable that his skills improved. For me, at least mine didn't deprove (is there such word in the first place?) when we played again last yr.

The session tonight was much enjoyable compared to the last. Did several beautiful strokes. I must say that i'm still lagging behind, but i think it wouldn't be long till i catch up... here i come.

|[ zofz | 12:38 AM ]|

Thursday, May 11

fear

For the first time after so many weeks, i've felt melancholic, sad and even being mean to a couple of people. This brief sign of depression was only for yesterday and abit of today only.

It all began on wednesday morning, with me having a strange dream at around 530 am. This is the first time i had such dream which i actually felt my experience of fear and courage so real. oh and i suspected i sleep talked.

It was something like this:
I was sitting down somewhere (during the entire dream i was at the same sitting position), with several people sitting on my left. We were having an execution. Execution using lethal injection. Before i know it, the executioner was injecting the guy from the extreme left. He died almost immediately. Then he continued with the next. There are around 4-5 people on my left, couldnt count properly as i was facing front, i didn't move at all. Suddenly got fast forward then reach to the guy beside me then he died.

For the first time, while the executioner was preparing the needle, he spoke to me,"may the god make you happy upon your arrival"

From the start to the point he ended his sentence, i was experiencing fear. The exact feeling that i would have felt in reality. It was like, 'oh i'm dying for sure within the next few mins. I'll cease to exist. I'll, cease to exist.i'm dying.'

But after hearing his words, i spoke,"god can not make anyone happy, only I, myself can make myself happy."
( i wasn't thinking straight then lor, dying already mah. but what i meant was god can not give u happiness or sadness, your life be it happy or sad can only be chosen by you alone)

My voice was loud and clear. I stared at him with a pinch of anger and courage. My mind was super focus by that time, i was thinking even if i wasnt able to fight (mentally) to stay alive, my soul will still fight on and stay alive.

Then suddenly i was thinking to myself, 'As much as i have numerous things i always wanted to do, the life i've lived so far has never been a drop of regret. (which is true) My life is fulfilling, enjoyable and special."
Started to flash back to the numerous things i've been through when suddenly my alarm rang at 0555am

I woke up with a 'wao! its all a dream...'
Immediate went to my office and shared my experience with yk at around 0615 before heading down to do duty at 630...

The entire experience was like what i would really have done when i'm at such situation. Then i started wondering, is my subconscious trying to tell me something or wat? People dreaming of death leh, of cos will feel abit of saddness one.


" I'll not let any one to take my soul away, the only one who can do so or set it free, is the one i've chosen..." -- arina

|[ zofz | 11:40 PM ]|

Monday, May 8

black tangerine

I've heard of this song once or twice long time ago, but never really take notice of it until last week. It was until i really looked at its lyrics and listened to the music that i feel that this piece is really a work of a genius.

Listened to this song serveral times for the past two days while doing work :p, there are many layers of meaning and ways of interpretation of this piece of song. The music and melody itself is a clue of what the composer is trying to tell us.
It is exactly the feeling i had during a period of time.
I guess, only those who really experience such period will truely understand this piece of music.
The only thing i've yet to figure out is that the title of the song is 'black tangerine', yet this word only only came out once in the song, i wonder what hidden meaning is there. Or am i just being over suspicious?

"黑色柳丁

今天我心情有一点怪怪的　可是说不出来到底为什么
好像有一些悲伤的徵兆　可是病因不知道
头上有橘色的加州阳光　我的口袋只有黑色的柳丁
我只有一个蓝色的感觉　不要问我为什么

很想说　再又觉得没有话好说　我只恨我自己　逃不出这监狱
或许我　是个没有出息的小虫　不该一直作梦　你不是个英雄

叶子用坠落证明换季　可我昏昏沉沉没有办法醒 你愿意做个英雄　还是你会要放弃
天是亮的却?满乌云　所有焦距被闪光判了死刑 你想做什么英雄　我看你不过是?兵

我只想哭　只想哭　只想哭 我只想哭　只想哭　只想哭

今天一起床　我就头痛　不管吃了几瓶药都没有用
心情有一些莫名的焦躁　你离我越远越好
外面有橘色的加州阳光　我却躲在自己孤独的黑洞
我只有一个小小的要求　就是请你leave me alone

今天我心情有一点懒懒的　可是说不出来到底为什么
好像有一些悲伤的徵兆　可是病因不知道

我只想哭　只想哭　只想哭 我只想哭　只想哭　只想哭 我只想哭　只想哭　只想.... "

|[ zofz | 9:21 PM ]|

well deserved rest

I'm having my well deserved off today.
Woke up at 9am and the first thing i do was to send a mass sms to all my available fans.
It had been so hectic for me to even do a proper planning for any outing these few days, so i decided to have it the ad hoc way.

Waiting for my replies, i ate my breakfast and started playing maple.
Yes, for the first time i must admit publicly, i'm playing maple.
Not that i'm a franic like ym or wk or yk, but i feel that maple is a good way to waste your time, especially while waiting for mass reply when you know most of your friends are busy.
Anyway, weekday morning is the best time for me to play, in particular the pq. I found it almost impossible to do pq in anyother time without getting frustrated. (but then, its another story... back to track...)

1 more pq to lvl up when alan replied. Apparantly, he too is having off. We decided to meet at causeway point at 1230.

The last time we met was like last year during one of our badminton session(29/12/05). Seeing him reminded me how long it was since our aj grp last meet. I, the great planner, has been so busy and even got depress for a period of time, that i've not plan anything at alll!!

We at lunch set at pizza hut and watched aquamarine.
It was my idea to watch that movie, simply because the show is abt a mermaid. I'm always excited when there is something about mermaid. We watched the show knowing that it is most prob a senseless, comedy with a mermaid. It turned out to be super hilarious.
Alan and i laughed throughout the show.

*spoiler*
The story goes like this... There are two best friend who both have a crush with a guy (its super funny to see how they drool for that guy). One of the friend has to migrate because of her mother's work. It was 5 days before the migrate when a storm came and the wave pushes the mermaid to their swimming pool. Of course, the two girls are the first to find her. The problem, the mermaid is running away from a force marriage, and the only way to stop her father from forcing her to do so is to convince him that there is true love in the world before the marriage in 3 days. So who's the mermaid love? The guy whom the two friends have a crush on. Knowing the fact that by helping the mermaid, the girls are giving away the guy. Nonetheless, they decided to do so as 'by helping a mermaid, you can have a wish', and they wish they will not seperate.

Its so funny to see the extent girls will do to catch the eye of a guy and to have true love in like 3 days. Highly recommended to people who is in need a senseless laugh to start their week...

Oh before i forgot. As we were in causeway point, the place reminded me of jh as it is her territory. So i decided to call her!! We chatted on the phone for a while, telling her how much we missed each other and stuff. Guess what? hx was with her as well!! They were going to school together! So it was like a mini aj chit chat session on the phone..

Come to think of it, i'm always the planner for everything. Platoon dinner (tml) , bmt outing, mshs outing, njc outing.... i wonder why...hmm..

|[ zofz | 8:32 PM ]|

Saturday, May 6

Not tired

For the first time this week, i've slept for more then 6 hrs or so. 12 hrs in fact. This entire week has been hectic, packed and different.
Woke up at 1230pm. Thinking whats for breakfast for my dinner yesterday was 2 bars of snickers, so hungry, i went downstairs.
To my surprise, i saw the pizza hut delivery man.

just in time for breakfast (lunch)...

Sat down and started thinking again. 2 more days then i'll have my well deserved rest for the rest of the week, i hope.

|[ zofz | 2:51 PM ]|

Monday, May 1

bu pa bu pa (not scare not scare)

Now listening to the new s'pore singer's song bu pa bu pa. The song she sang during the labour day concert which i went few hrs ago.

The lyrics is simple and meaningless, while the music is catchy and was adopted from another singer. Not the type that i will go abt listening. Nonetheless the song reflects alot of my feeling today.

Those who were wondering where i went last night? I was on a ghost trail from sat night till sun morning at 6am.
Went to several places such as some cemeteries, mac ritchie's tomb, old army camps.. etc
Was filled with anxiety, excitment and tiredness throughout the whole journey. On the contrary to its intention, the only fear i had was the fear of having my shoe dirtied by the mud.

Fear leads to everything
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering...

May i soon become fearless... ...

|[ zofz | 12:29 AM ]|