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Wednesday, June 28

What is this girl trying to do?

There is this girl i knew in my gp class during jc. We were those normal hi bye friends and with each other's msn contacts.

She started to 'HI' me on msn, then we started talking normally... I gave her my new contact number and she gave her's (which i didn't take down)

It was last sat she started msging me...

Then just now..:

says:booo not in camp ah
td says:just camp back home lor just now combat shoot leh very siong one leh... haha
says:hahaha orhh icic then when u need to book in?
td says: i'm going out gai gai tml so i'll book in tml night lor
says:orhhh cool cool haha slacker
td says:u working tml?
says:haha..no la y leh u wan go gai gai with me ah

td says: cos not, i tot i can go to ur work place to see see what impt job u having..haha,.. anyway u too late in booking me liaoz, i going gai gai with some other people. celebrate birthday leh..

says:orhh hahha ok la the next time u book out go gai gai with me lor!


Actually at this point was rather disturbing, she is using the exact same tone i use on other people to ask other people out. Just that i only use such way on people i know well. She is obviously trying to be friendly with me... and it wasnt the first time she hinted to go out like that...

Awkward silence...few a few seconds before i replied..

td says:haha.. yah... then can go great singapore sales! so exciting..
says:yay okieee SET ONZ ah

At this point, i was squeezing ideas to play along.... i started talking abt the 'wishlist', a silly idea which i suddenly thought of during my conversation on sms with jy that afternoon, to change the topic from gai gai, to shopping to wishlist , to who buying the items..

But things became more complicated to the extent that i have to use the final action...

td says: so late le u dont want to sleep meh?

I seriously wonder what is this girl trying to do. Or are they just trying to be friendly? it reminded me of another girl who did the same thing but was by sms in the past.... Of cos i treated them indifferently...

My boss told me cannot like that. He said its my problem that i'm always trying to have a barrier between potential female and male friends. Just because i'm not such a shui bian person, does it mean that?

My medic zw ord very soon, i'll not be able to see him soon. This indicate that i'll be leaving army soon as well... perhaps its time...

|[ zofz | 12:16 AM ]|

Sunday, June 25

how mean of me

i found myself saying things that are cynical.

Not that i really meant it. It just came out from my mouth. How mean of me. Maybe its just me.

|[ zofz | 3:07 PM ]|

tml

tml is the 1st of june of the lunar calendar.

It will be just like another day.

no one will really appreciate this day.

It will be a moonless night... ...

|[ zofz | 3:03 PM ]|

Wednesday, June 21

unknown

There is this funny feeling inside me these few days, as if something big is going to happen. Or i hope would happen.
Probably its case my lunar birthday is next week, during the day of the new moon. A moonless night.

Jb and yc are pulling me to play silkroad. I'm torn between the two world. Part of me know that im wasting my time on such games, part of me want to plunge in to join them... What will you do?

Did some shopping this afternoon. Bought a "Salsa:the essential album" from sembawang music, i'm putting in all i have on this one.
Wanted to buy some gift for those people in my unit, its always nice to receive presents from time to time. Ended up buying nothing cos i got no idea wat to buy...Any suggestion anonymous? if u were to receive a present, what would u want?

|[ zofz | 10:20 PM ]|

finding fullmoon

Spent the past few days on youtube.com to view the anime version of a manga, 'Finding Fullmoon', i've read quite sometime ago. The anime version was indeed draggy, uncomparable with the manga.

The story is abt a girl, Fullmoon, who loves to sing, but she got this throat cancer. If she go for this the surgery, she will not be able to sing again. Of cause, she decided not to go for the surgery. It was then, two angel of death came. Fullmoon, for some reason was able to see and hear them (the angel cannot be seen by normal people). She then realised that she only got 1 more yr to live.

She dreamt of becoming a singer, cos she and her love ,Eichi(who migrated to the other end of the earth) made a pact. 'Though seperated, they shld pursue their dreams, their dreams will shine so bright that the other on the other side will be able to see it'.

With the help of the angel of death who sympathised her, the girl went for singing audition and become a singer. They became friends eventually.

Halfway thru the manga, there was the twist that Eichi was already dead yrs ago. She knew it all along, but refuse to accept it. She believe that Eichi can still hear her song. IT was only the last part of the manga that they explained that 'only thru a ghost can a human see an angel', so its trying to say, the ghost of Eichi was in front of Fullmoon all along, thats why she was able to see the angel. (he never appear in the present, he only appear when they describe the past)

The two angel of death decided to change the fate for their friend...

There are a few very nice phrase:
"Even though its covered with scars and craters, the moon is still able to hide them and continue to shine brightly"
"The moon doesn't shine by itself, it make use of those around to shine"
"Even if you can't see the moon, it is always there"

Its a very optimistic read. Seeing how people can go through just to achieve their dreams really make me want to achieve my goal as well...

|[ zofz | 9:53 PM ]|

little accidents can be so interesting

Outing today, original plan was what i've mentioned before. But don't know why they dont' like badminton and the plan became like this:

10-12: soccer
12-1: lunch
1-6: bowling and arcade
6-end: dinner buffet

I came to a conclusion long time ago and i'm going to say this again. I can play all kinds of sports, except soccer and basketball.

I wasn't able to put in my full concentration into soccer, didnt have the drive to do so. Feeling not there. The field was muddy after the morning rain.

Thats where all the accidents begun.
Everyone slipped and fell, except my new medic edwin and ml who was worst off then me. (i'll give a proper introduction abt them in future post).

More serious injury: 1)My boss who played like 5 mins in the game as the goal keeper was the first to be injured on the knee. He left the game straight after.

2)Gu and i collied, i just wanted to kick the ball away when he fell onto me. So painful.

I would never want to admit that bowling is a kind of sports. How a throwing a ball straight and hope that the statues in front knocked down be a sports?? a game maybe, but not a sport

Bowling is not meant for me. Dont have the patient and concentration and $$ to encourage myself to take up this game. Any bowling trip dont ask me.

I left early as i have my salsa at 830pm. That was the last lesson for my module. As this was the last lesson, we were all very confident with our moves and steps. Since i was confident, i did my moves very close with my partner and in a very rough way.
The problem comes when we were doing the turn and she was too close, leading my hands to brush through some part of her body. Our steps went haywired for the next few seconds.

Took mrt home after everything was over. Was sitting down trying to figure out the mp3 which nick's girlfriend approached me to help her see how to work work, when an old man boarded the train walked towards me and said 'excuse me'.
The tone was like demanding me to let him have that seat.
Since i was busy doing my stuff, i just stood up without saying anything.
It feels very funny lor, how does this old man know that i dont need the seat as much as he ? But that situation was like other than my injured leg which still can endure, there are no other reason for me to sit down. So i offered my seat willingly.

It reminded me of the time i quarreled with a lady at the bus stop who told me not to sit at the bus stop as i was sittng too close to her xmas cards (which i think she was selling at that bus stop). Made a big hoo-ha at that bus stop. People think that the lady is crazy. If someone approached me for my help, i will help. But if they are giving unreasonable demands, try me.

|[ zofz | 12:22 AM ]|

Sunday, June 18

happy father's day

1)Today is father's day, we are going to do what we have always been doing for years. Nothing.

Actually, i've totally forgotten abt it already, at least until late afternoon when i scaned through kids central and saw 'What are u doing on father's day?!' advertisement .
Initially, I found it rather strange why he only went off work on the afternoon and not the usual early morning, perhaps he was waiting for some surprise happy father's day lunch or something. But no, no one even rmb.

Just ordered some good food, i ate almost the entire piece of large pizza. Everyone was there, except him of course.

2)I found myself almost losing my temper, just so close to losing it.

Noticed from time to time, i've been typing such long and hard to read things into my blog, actually it is to keep on reminding myself.

IT is just like holding sand, it slips away slowly drip by drip over time.
Then when its empty, u will have to go through the cycle again just to scoop another handful of it.

I just want to keep this powerful feeling within me, i dont want to lose it again.

3) There is less than 1 month till my birthday.
There is not much time left that i can still be at my 'teens'. I can say that this period is my last chance to be willful, stubborn, irresponsible, childish and selfish.

jy was half right when she said i mentioned too much 'i' in my blog. She was the only person who noticed that (and also the frightening expression of me with my hand on the mouth taken by yc). She was wrong abt the overly self confidence part.

The thing is i'm just being plain selfish. Just like him. Everything is abt myself. 'I'. I reasoned that i can only help others if i can help myself in the first place.

I'm always rushing for time, as there seriously isn't much time for me to lose. Please forgive my last burst and chance of willfulness.

All i wanted is to end my life as a teen this way.
i want to rmb my life as a teen to be so, with no regret.

|[ zofz | 7:44 PM ]|

Thursday, June 15

outing??!

while i was blogging all these while, i was actually planning for a platoon outing which is scheduled next week as well!

I really wonder how come i was always chosen to plan and organise this type of outings and dinners... not as if i eat alot or what, do i?

Heres the plan!

morning till 1pm: bowling
1pm till 2.30: lunch at sakura
3pm till 5: badminton
5pm till late late: sing song at j box (i'm booking the entire function room which includes pool table for this)

Sounds fun and exciting isant it? actually wanted to include wild wild wet and escape but they will be close then.

|[ zofz | 9:53 PM ]|

today

Things have been moving very quickly for the past 4 days. It is only today that it seemed to be slowing down abit. Took a break by going out with sx on the afternoon. He said he wanted to buy an expensive non camera handphone to show off his wealth that he had been earning for the past few days. But i know in actual fact, he just wanted to vent his frustration by doing the thing i do best. SHOPPING! shop for expensive stuff.

Finding a expensive non camera handphone in singapore is just like searching for a lizard in my house. You know its hiding somewhere, but just can't find the exact location.

We found ourselves standing in front of tampines nokia service centre. And i did something which i long to do for a long time, to sent my phone to them to open up just to clean the inner surface of the screen. ITs simply so irritating to see those particles on the screen while messaging and there is nothing you can do to remove them. 2 hrs they said. the time they need to screw open the phone and to clean the inner surface just cos its safer to let the professional to do so. Moreover, its free since its still under warranty.

According to them, the job of screwing open the case and to clean my inner screen surface and screw it back again will cost $26 if not under warrantly... Suddenly felt like going back there again tml to let them clean.

During the next two hrs, we went billy boomers! i guess it is his first time going to such places to spent so much on food in a small group.

I feel that i can really be sx personal consultant. From what i know, sx has been becoming paranoid with everyone around him. He felt as if everyone around him is going against him and is trying to harm him.
Is there a scientific name to this? hmm..
Already he is having interrupted sleep, waking up almost immediately upon the slightest movement in the room.
He keep things to himself.
He KEEPS on saying that people around him are trying to harm him.
I tried to convince him that thats not the case.
I've used up all my persuasion techniques.
He still believes that people are trying to harm him...
...or should i say he is trying to push the blame on others for the work he is doing ?
Money is his only friend.
He is one of those people who will really do something horrible to himself if his money is being stolen or lost.

Or have i used the wrong technique? eg
For people who are depress and sad, i would normally try to devert their attention by saying things that are candid, flippant and simple. Distract them from their problems for a second or two.
For people who are angry, i would just pretend i'm listening to them then they will just talk talk and talk of their problem which normally the case that they are always in the right and dont make sense, but deep down they know its part of their fault as well.
For people who thinks the whole world is arrowing him? i really don't know...

It saddens me when people i tried to help became something i cant even recognise.

Another person i'm worried abt is gr, a classmate of mine in jc. He was lonely, i was the only person who is willing to talk to him. I can really brag that i am his only friend then.
reading his blog www.lightstar86.blogspot.com made me wonder why i wasn't able to give him more help when he really needed it, but then i myself was already in a battle then..

how how how?

|[ zofz | 7:22 PM ]|

Silent peaceful moments??

Was expecting the meeting with jy the day before to be silent and peaceful due to several reasons.
1) it has been a long time since we meet, both doing our own stuff, we will practically have nothing much to say.

2)according to her, she was too sick to talk

3) i need some peace myself

Ended up chatting and at last she understand part of what td has been doing in arm.

Yah, according to her professional reasoning, someone is having naccisiam when he has been using too much 'I' in his previous post.

It made people like me to be sceptical on how can it 'result in something terrible', just people who use too much 'i' are overly confident. Isan't it surely better than the other way round? hmm..

Anyway, we chat at mac donalds. ATe mac spicy meal while she drank my special leg water. 3 bottles of it as she was feverish. The 3 legs water comes in pack of 6, bought it just cos she mentioned that she was heaty. Is it me or is everyone around me feeling sick? gave yk 1 bottle cos he is having fever this morning, an another to some aquaintance, drank the last one myself.

Along the way, she unconsciously proposed a challenge. She said,' ah ma always scold me if i bring anyone back home.'
At that instant, since free, there was the thought of going to her house to see if ah ma all not scold her for the first time as the person whom she brought back is me.

Eitherway, it felt like just an excuse to shoo me away since she was so sick that the challenge was decided not to be taken up. Ended up roaming around her neighbourhood. The place is so different from cck, that area was dark and dirty and creepy (perhaps it was getting dark already) while cck is just so bright, clean and holy... ...

|[ zofz | 6:31 PM ]|

Sunday, June 11

horrible horrible me

currently, though i'm at home, i'm using my sister laptop to type this blog.
why?
in exactly 1 hr ago, mother successfully destroyed the pc. It involved alot of throwing, tossing and slamming.
Obvious scratches were seen on the monitor screen Thought there were no other external wound, i believed that there is sever internal problem. For the past 1 hr, i've been trying to troubleshoot but it is of no use.

The poor air con remote control that just so happened to be lying on the computer table was not spared, with one of its battery missing and its cover flew to the other part of the room.

In short, she was trying to show that she was angry.

If it was me in the past, i would have given 1001 reasons to show that it is not my fault. It doesn't even concern me in the first place...

Nonetheless, the fact that she can get angry proved that i am still flawed. And i know it deep down what is it. Perhaps, i would say, that is my last and only and deadly flaw that i couldn't be bothered to change for as long as i can remember.

There are friends i know whose parents have died. They ended up spending the rest of their live missing them, thinking abt them, regreting for the things they said or not said to them. People don't appreicate things around them until something happens.

I am always proud to say it out loud that i've never regreted anything in my life, but then if i not doing anything about it now perhaps i would be just like them in the future.


its my fault, i will change. I promise

Once i've change, i believe i'll be flawless already.... i hope.. Those around me will be happy..


'May my promise reach out to the universe'

|[ zofz | 4:35 PM ]|

Friday, June 9

staying in a hotel can be so much fun

It had been quite some time since i've blog. 1 week to be exact. Several things had happened during the past week. I would expect myself to be squeezing everything out into one post just like always, but since i'm very free while everyone else is watching the world cup i might as well blog..

First thing first, was my hotel stay from last thursday till sunday.

All die heart fans of mine would know the job scope of my vocation. We are lucky or cursed to be involve in the IISS function held in Shangri la hotel. Since its a few days event, to facilitate our employment, we were given a room in the hotel itself to stay. Thats when all the fun starts!

When we first entered the our room, the first thing we passed by was the toilet. And as the saying goes 'to see how good or bad a place is, the first place to look into is the toilet'

It was then i found this just in between the toilet bowl and sink:







Notice there is a tap on top of it but the shape of this doesn't look like a sink. Neither u can flash any shit down for it is not a toilet bowl. (the toilet bowl is just on its left, the shower is on the right while the sink is in front right)

We all started brain storming. My first though was maybe a small bath tub for babies. Someone said (can't remember who) that its for washing hair one, cos the shape of it is just nice for the head to be inside. Gu noticed a sanitary pad just on the right of this bowl, (hangin on the wall) so he suggested, 'u know ladies once a month thingy? maybe they used it to clean their in front.."

We all were like -_-... We were all poor army guys, how do we know ?
It was like later when we got to know that this bowl is meant for people to wash their backside after they are done with their business at the toilet bowl. You just need to sit on it and on the tap, the water will flow directly to and clean the area... I was stunted. You mean rich people actually install such devices in their homes just to clean their ass? (notice there is a small round soap just beside the tap)
It was few days later i got to know that this device is call 'bidet'.

The rest of the things like the free soap and shampoo (which i took a few back as soveniers) , beds and tv were just like any other hotel i've been to so nothing worth mentioning.

To be honest, i am not supposed to be staying in the room. It was simply because i am needed to be there for work early morning and i don't have transport to travel there that is why i choosed to stay over night there.

I woke up early in the morning and got the sudden urge to try out the bath tub.The water was nice and warm to the extent that i almost fell asleep again..

*jump

Saturday, i suddenly feel like going to the pc fair with jk. Wore normal clothes and left the hotel. Walking in a 5 star hotel is truely different. Just a simple walk outside made u feel like a king, with the people from the hotel greeting u from point to point.

Went to the pc fair with jk. he bought a camera for $500+and i bought a phone memory card for just $42 for 1GB! That explains of the following photos.. A test shot i had on jk upon inserting my memory card..









Of course there are several tempting deals like the nokia N90,91 series which i'm drooling for. Lets hope their price drop till like free next yr..
Once again, i met up with yc and jb at orchard. We did some shopping. For our case, when we said shopping we meant to go abt every single shop messing up every single items we can lay our hands on! For ur info, its still the GSS! And for the first time in my life, i saw jb buying a shirt!!

Our outing ended at around 5pm. I made my way back to hotel to rest. It was then my boss who was there told me that that day was my ex boss, chris, birthday. (the one who was kneeing down to sleep in one of my photos) We went out to suntec (again) at 7pm.

I felt like a true tourist, going out shopping the whole day, coming back to the hotel just to rest a while and to sleep overnight.

We bought a cake like this! Tada!!








However, he was on some duty at that time. So we waited. Meanwhile, i used my super huge memory phone to take random photos...

We waited
(guess who?)







Waited.....
(thats yg, preparing to sleep on the floor)







....and waited.. (ps thats me wearing the bathrobe)










(where is yg??)







and waited



(thats yk who fell asleep)









Until he came!!









Staying in a hotel can be so much fun!!

|[ zofz | 10:27 PM ]|

Friday, June 2

sound advice part 2

Took my boss car back to unit from shangri la hotel. Yes, i've spent a night there and will be doing so for the next 2 days. How's life in a 5 star hotel? this shall be another story.

The post is solely abt our conversation, 1 way conversation, we had in the car.
I've mentioned to several people before that my boss kenneth always surprises others with ideas least expected. So much so to the extent that even i got stunted, wasn't able to reply or should i say don't know how to reply, all i could do was to look at him blankly and smile or laugh.
In this awkward conversation, i was smiling all the way.. seriously, i don't know what to say!

Nonetheless, his words always make sense, sharing from his own experience and regrets... I'm typing out the ideas he said as much as possible...

'You shld always think of what u want in the future and not what u want now. 10 yrs down the road, u wouldn't want what u want now, u will want things like big house big car and money. You can ask all those old people. That is why you shld start planning for what you want in the future or else u will regret...
Just think abt being able to sit in a condo beside a swimming pool with a big car infront... that will be the things u want in the future...'

He started giving me tonnes of example which i can't make myself to listen as i was in deep thoughts.

i was thinking, 'hey! i'm already living in a big house, being driven in mercedes. I've moved from a condo which fits ur description 5 yrs ago into the bigger house i'm living in now. And seriously, after experiencing that, i would rather live in a hdb flat'

This idea is largely linked back to the 'deception of beauty' i've always mentioned. And that was sometimes the reason why i can really hate my father for being such a hypocrite. Would rather to be in debt of the bank to just have a big house and car to show the world.
But then again, it is because of what he had done that i can truely understand the reality.
Perhaps if he doesn't do so, i may become the one who will be in debt just to get myself the big house...

YL once told me that all businessman are like so, faces to them are very impt.
But then, i would rather spent the thousand of dollars installment for the big house and car on useful, meaningful and enjoyable things.

Having such a goal of owning big flat i would say create more problems, my boss in living in regret. His sole happiness is his mechincal happiness of flying his toy helicopter in camp.

Perhaps its true that because i treasure what i'm enjoying now that i've not thought about what i'll be needing and enjoying in the future. True enough, i'll need money for expenses, education, shopping, to return the debt for the upper generation, and we all know its not a small sum. How am i going to get the money? That is something that i've always tried not to think abt in the past. Though i'm accepting this fact now, i've yet to think of a solution (other than hoping for a scholarship sponser to call me or sent me an email to invite me down to take their money.) Only a few who were involved in my scholarship adventure got a glimpse of my situation which i tried not to reveal in the past. Too ashamed to do so.

IT was much later that i feel that only those who doesn't accept their problem are unable to face it and those who are unable to face their problem are ashamed to show it.

Haha.. before i realised it, i'm deviating from my intial intention to talk abt sound advice.
All in all, summarizing (censoring) what he was saying it would be 'u must always know what u will want in the future and be prepared for them now. Enjoying what u are having now is not enough'

Maybe deep down in my heart i know abt this all along, that is why i always tell everybody that 'i got no time to lose'..


I got no time to lose...

(currently i'm in tp library typing, will be going down to hotel later..)

|[ zofz | 5:07 PM ]|