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Thursday, November 2

loyalle

(i'm delicating my last few posts of the blog to Loyalle)

The scene of the day when we crossed path never failed to haunt me till this day.

It was the 7th july 2005, (the 2nd of june on the lunar calender.)
I was given the choice by wo tan chun kiat.
If i choose to enter unit 36, Loyalle will be in unit 39, and vice versa.

"What will you choose?" he said, in a very neutral tone and look,"whatever you choose i'll support you."

My thoughts was complex and deep, and fogged due to guard duty the day before..

'I'm already determined to go 39,' i scolded myself,' why am i still procrastinating? what is it that is holding me back?'

In all aspects, 39 is of advantage to me. In the first place, I tried so hard in my selection just because i wanted to be involved with 39.Loyalle? I knew he wanted to be in 36, its advantagous to him in terms of location from home and stuff.
But deep down my heart was screaming to think again.

The fact that this decision had to be made on that specific day might seem to be a sign for me. Perhaps a 'present', whichever i chose would be the best option made.

I eventually made a decision, my own decision. to be where i am in now.

when wo tan chunkiat asked me why i've made my original decision and changed it in the end, i just said its cos i wanted to be in control of the situation. Which is a lie..

And here i am.

At times, i wondered how things will turn out if i sticked to my original decision. Will i be happy? will the others be happy?
How abt loyalle. For sure he is enjoying his stay. However, will he be even better off here? Perhaps due to the luck factor, he might be activated and died? Its impossible to know.

That was why you rarely see me complaining in the unit. I have no rights to do so. It could be loyalle who is the one in my place. I'm doing everything in his part i say.

It never fails to make me wonder about this everytime i see him during events. We will certainly ask each other if we are happy.

This suddenly reminded me of the "parallel world" in which two similar people living in two different world, at times the world collides and the two people switched place.(or one go into the other's)

We share so much in common. Both middle child symdrome... I wonder what will happen if we are not 'either or' but to be placed together...

Wondering can be endless, i shall stop doing so.

Checkmate!!

|[ zofz | 8:45 PM ]|