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Thursday, August 31

dear wk

I almost forgotten something we done last week.

last saturday was wk birthday, no one seemed to rmb that. Yet he was in camp doing duty.

As we all need to be back camp cos it was the marathon the next day, i organised a surprise party!

I bought a very delicious tiramisu cake. And edwin volunteered to buy some pastries.

this is the plan:i reach camp at 7pm. I'll call Nv to bring all our medics into the room to prepare the tables, And yk will be the one to keep wk accompany until we are done.

Ended up at 7pm sharp i called
yk:oh wk is in his room, going to bathe

I waited for 5 mins and called edwin
edwin: wk going to bathe but now he playing psp, so must wait for him to go out
Me (getting impatient cos the cake is my dinner): i dont care, u go scold him by saying that he is smelly, just get him out of the room!

By the time i went up, wk has already gone to bathe. I told yk to keep an eye on him, in case he come back during our preparation. but he said,"we both know how long wk can take for his bath!"

So we slowly start the preparations...

It was supposed to be a surprise, wk must feel the sadness that at the end of the day no one rmb that its his birthday. But that GU went in the toilet and kept on saying,"wah Someone's birthday har!" spoiling the impact that would give him..

The bath took longer than expected. My boss, yk, nv, along with gu and 2 medics were waiting. I stood outside the room, ready to give the que upon seeing wk coming out... Seriously, he is taking his own sweet time..and i'm hungry...

It was another half a millenium until he slowly walked out
"WK!!! (very loudly as if shouting to him) GU looking for u!!"
immediately, the lights in the bunk went off, acknowledging the que
"SEe lah! u took so long until we going to sleep liaoz.."

Then we went in! "surprise!"
of cos its not as surprising than those movie will turn out to be, but i think its quite cool.












... Just to longbang this post to upload some pics!



This is tmt's love bird. It likes to bite every single piece of paper it can lay its mouth on, of cos the destruction done is incomparable to my parrot. Not only that, it likes to run around on top of people, biting their shirt and skin and hair.





This was taken during the ndp. On the right is yk. Come to think of it, he will be having his driving test later in the afternoon, lets wish him luck...

|[ zofz | 10:57 PM ]|

Wednesday, August 30

sickening idiot part 2

I really dont feel like studying anymore, tts why i'm blogging once again.

There are just so many distractions. Wonder if my uni days will be like so...I know i'll be strong enough not to be distracted easily.

The entire family knew abt the lizard in the fridge thingy. No one dares to do anything abt it. Father just came back from work and he was the only one who opened and closed the fridge several times cos he doesn't know the exact location of the lizard. I stood by the door to witness the grant event.

He used a tissue and picked the body away, threw it in the bin. Without saying anything he walked slowly to the sofa and change to his channel... HE DIDNT WASH HIS HANDS!!
"I didn't even touch it! i've used tissue!" he said

I went up to mother who was resting on her bed to tell her the entire story. She started her usual complain of how father is this and that... It was around that time father came to the room, so i purposely sarcastically said loudly about him not washing his hands once again. Just as i turned by head around to look at his expression, a hand flang towards me and grabbed me tightly!

The thought of having a hand touching a dead lizard to be touching me was so disgusting that i started screaming, crouching on the bed. Then he let go and went to bathe...

The feeling and atmosphere were just like how it was before. When i was at home and everybody else is at home, laughing at the silly things i do and say... Where we purposely scare each other by leading others to witness disgusting scene of a dead lizard. Or even run around screaming and saying "EEee!!" . And seeing someone who although feels it is amusing, just refuses to laugh and the face became so weird... Then got another who kept on saying irrelavent remarks which is not at all useful..
i've really missed those days. Cos we had been quite formal for quite a long time already... ...

Its quite amazing to see how a dead lizard can spark off so much.

|[ zofz | 10:12 PM ]|

sickening idiot

Was enjoying my Steak dinner just now. Then my brother came down and opened the fridge, its was then he called out,"oh my! Hey come here have a look"

Curious, i went to the kitchen and looked into the fridge, to see whatever that he found amazing. It took me 1 sec or so to see it. Apparantly there is a dead lizard being squash inside the fridge by the door...It was so disgusting that i slammed the door and took cover...
"Aye! the poor lizard being squash again!" he said.
He is a sickening idiot..

It issant something i expect to see while enjoying my delicacy. If i got the courage to go down and open the fridge again, i think most prob i'll take a pic of it and post online... IF...

Until then, let just hope i'm not distracted anymore, there is just so many things to study..

|[ zofz | 8:17 PM ]|

somethings not right

Ever done a html script for hours and when everything is completed with the window started, there is this word call "error" popping out with an exclaimation mark at the bottom left of the page? And when trying to view the source of the page to figure out the error, eveything just seemed to be perfect?

If our entire exsistence and the world are just a system or program, i bet the same 'error' msg will pop out at the window as well. At times there are just something not right, you can feel it, but just couldn't pin point what is wrong... Its just like solving an equation yet things doesn't seem balance at all.

Been trying to study for my exam tml.... losing concentration, getting distracted very easily.

|[ zofz | 6:10 PM ]|

toothbrush!!

The problem with bloggin is that we keep on writing out what we are thinking... of cos the thinking process goes on and on and on to the extent that there are times we get lost in our thoughts, or even feel that it is rather meaningless to think so much. As wat yy said to me long time ago, think so much for wat? there is no point..

So right now i'll just write simple things.

Was back home yesterday, i was doing the last thing before going to sleep. To brush my teeth. It was then i discovered something horrible! My oral-b electronic toothbrush is not working!

tried trouble shooting it... 'A good slam on the wall will do the trick' i thought..

Nothing really worked and i had to brush manually. its abt time i'm buying a new toothbrush, i guess

SEe! i can write simple things as well!! haha

|[ zofz | 10:39 AM ]|

see them everyday

issit me or am i seeing my unit people at places that i least expect to see them..

eg. yesterday (monday) at around 2pm, went all the way down to gombak stadium to register for my 42km marathon.
Its super hot and the place is like so far, just as i filling up the form halfway, someone called my name...
it was ZH he just so happened to be as free as me and came down at such a ridiculous time to register for the marathon as well...

Today, i was in my office doing my own stuff when my boss suddenly forced me to go for OFF. Saying that i got too much off! It was already 10am and yet he told me to go for 1 full day, and in which i'll need to return back camp at 6pm for some briefing...
At this awkward timing, the only place i feel like going is to donate blood...
It was around 12pm when i donated, meeting yc at 130pm. It was when i was leaving the place when i saw another familar face. It was CB, another someone i know from my unit...

Its suppose to be MY off... my own personal time. yet i'm seeing these people in almost every part of the world...

I got another powerful feeling inside me once again... don't know how to descibe it.... Feel like shout it out loud...

|[ zofz | 12:16 AM ]|

Monday, August 28

holland village

Was watching the repeat telecast of Holland Village not long ago.
If i don't know it better, i would have thought the Mo family were trying to act out the family of my mother's side... there are just so many similarities...

The eldest sister, wanwan: just like my first aunt, she is fat, very fat
The second sister, acted by mo xiaoling: exactly like my second aunt who is very skinny
The third sister for got the name liaoz, but just like my third aunt she is very materialistic and think quite alot abt $$
The fourth sister... don't know how shld i put it, but my 4th aunt was sold when she was born, so yah... i'll skip this..
Then the youngest sister: just like my mother, she always have dreams abt what 4d number will come up and stuff...

Ran 21km yesterday, timing of 1hr 50 mins. Quite cool i would say.
Went down to Gombak stadium this afternoon to register for the 42 km marathon... ITs $42... just like running 1 km is $1.... so in a way at every km i'll just stop at their water point to get my $1 worth of isotonic drinks and energy bar.....

Been spending quite alot lately. Spent $3000 last week on an investment. I'm just lucky to have the luxury of $$ to play with. People who doesn't know the first thing abt finacial planning would happily keep their $$ in their bank, saving up....keeping it for a rainy day.. Maybe i'm starting to get a hint of what father have been doing ...

|[ zofz | 8:46 PM ]|

Thursday, August 24

goodbye 2

Been thinking quite alot of the things that is happening to the people around me. Got quite alot of feelings during the past few days and it is overflowing for i got nowhere to vent on. For some reasons the internet in camp got problem.

1) rmb i mentioned in the previous post tt someone's father just died like last sat? i visited the wake and stuff. The funeral was yesterday. Just as everybody thought things will settle down and everything will be in place, his mother suddenly fainted and died.

This is something which i always feared. Its like everything in ur perfect life go haywire, out of ur control and you are just so weak and helpless to do anything.

Many started collecting money. I'm one of the few who doesn't. I really wonder if i am doing the right thing, there are many who has been asking me why. i just replied that i don't feel like giving, no reason....

If my $5-10 worth of contributions will make him less miserable, maybe i think i'll give. But then, my money is doesn't help anything, its just to show that i care in a more convenient manner. If thats the case, i would rather go down personally myself.... something along this line lah...

Think i mentioned it before that its so funny that for chinese, happy things like weddings and 1 month celebrations are often celebrated in a close environement, normally at night. As if its something shameful. Where as funeral like this are made so elaborated, as if its something to tell the entire world abt as if its something joyous...

2) ganesha has left singapore last sunday. I met him for the last time.
What impressed me more was his malay girlfriend who was along side with him.

I rmbed it was months ago when i was his very close consultant. He was telling me abt he would be going to overseas soon, his parents are against relationship due to religion. He was lost. "why starting a relationship when we knows it will be ending soon, and even the parents are against it?"

I was the one who advice him to go with it. WC and i made the act of me purposely pretending to be drunk (eventhough the next day is a live firing) to proof that his irresponsible action has the price to pay and it doesnt have to be yourself but those around you. That was why i made myself look so miserable to prove the point.

Ended up during the birthday party, he told everyone. "Eventhough they know such relationship doesn't last long and its against religion..etc etc... they still continue with it. She will have an impt place in his heart, will be someone impt. Though they don't know what will happen in the future but they knew at last they had a good experience together before..."

all these with a span of few months. Exactly what i've adviced him, to go on with it and not to drag...

3) just got home hrs ago. Called pizza delivery and order $57 worth of pizza, using mothers visa. "help me sign" she said, wasn't able to get down the stairs.

I signed... ...

|[ zofz | 11:42 AM ]|

Sunday, August 20

goodbye

ITs ganesha's birthday party yesterday.
He will be flying to australia for good later.

Because of that, i spent quite abit for a present for him. Thats the least i can do for him.

People go just like that...

Just learnt yesterday that someone's father passes away. I've always been avoiding going to other people's wake. For the simple reason that i don't want to see the sad looks of the faces. Because of that, i always pretend not knowing of such event or to be busy and didn't turn up. Its the exactly the same reason for my previous post.I just dont have the courage to face sadness....
People just go like that.... ...
i think, we shld show that we do care no matter how painful it can be.
I want to show them that i care...
From now on, i will go down for any wake...

|[ zofz | 5:47 PM ]|

hide its scars and continue shining brightly

Went to pick up mother from hospital yesterday.

I feel that i still can't make myself to face problems and to accept responsibilities. I'm still doing what everybody do best, to run away.

Instead of doing what a normal people will usually do like calling up the hospital to ask "whats the condition?" or "how is she? is she alright?" or "is there any complications" or even simple things like "hows the room? can she sleep well?".... i did nothing.

|[ zofz | 3:43 PM ]|

Monday, August 14

Swimming

I've always love swimming. Love the water so much...

Once submerged in the water, it feels as though you are flying. The only sound you can hear is the bubbling music of your breath and the graceful movement of the body. The only thing you can feel is the tranquil coolness of the water. Since i cannot see without my specs, it feels as though i am the only one living in this world for there is no one around...
(certainly i'll skip the tasting part...)

I really like the sea. It never fails to give me a magical feeling. So much to the extent i once sent a letter to the navy around last yr to inquire abt their recruitment, thinking that i might just join the navy. Fortunately or unfortunately they didn't reply me, and i was too busy to followup.

Mother loves to swim. She told me before that if she dies she will want her ashes to be thrown into the sea. 1)so she can swim everyday 2) so we dont need to go thru the hassel to pray for her every year.

To my friends who know me well, they will know that if i'm posting such things, it is highly likely that i'm thinking to try out something outragous once again....

i'm just so unpredicable... even to myself...

heh heh

|[ zofz | 7:34 PM ]|

Sunday, August 13

catch me if you can

Catch me if you can
Been wanting to watch this movie since it showed yrs ago, but never got the chance to watch it. Even during its TV release, i didn't manage to catch it.

Rented its vcd and watched it yesterday.

There is one line mentioned which really made me wondering
"we both know that its easier to be living in a lie"

Pretending what you are not, I guess is now the modern people's intinctive behaviour to protect themselves from others...

As much as i accept myself of who i am. I do change my behaviour and actions, pretend to be stronger, weaker , more intellectual and blur to adapt to the people or situation. I call this flexible and adaptable.
This is sometime quite scary as you may just forget who you really are, and get lost in your own identity crisis.

At times i wonder, am i too adaptable to the people around? Do i compromise to their behaviour too much? is there a need for me to do so? why don't THEY be the ones to adapt to my own behaviour?
hmm...

|[ zofz | 12:07 PM ]|

Saturday, August 12

fireworks!

It was supposed to be a firework outing for the 5 of us. The event started at 9pm. Jb and i met at 720pm and decided to find a good spot for all of us to have a good view. It was around 8pm when we came to the bridge (at the third lampost near esplande at the edge of the water).

yc was uncontactable.
JC was still in kovan
eugchua was overseeing some operation.

IT was around 815pm when they each started calling/smsing me,"where are u?"

me: The bridge around the third lampost near esplande at the edge of the water. Where are you? come find me!!

jc:i'm citylink there already
yc: I'm on my way. Just now i cannot hear my phone ringing...etc etc...confirm can find u one, CONFIRM
eugchua: on mrt reaching soon

JB and i were already feeling very uncomfortable with the crowd pushing us from behind. We purposely make some room in front of us so when the rest arrive, they will still have some space to stand. Nonetheless, the crowd is terrible..
I was constantly looking around for jc as i thought he may be the first to arrive.

they called individually around 840pm

yc: Where are you? i reached already
jc: Too many people, i cannot squeeze thru
eugchua:i'm at city link. where are you exactly...??

I replied with the necessary infomation.

850pm. The crowd was horrible that i made another call to rush them

yc &jc : we are together at fullerton hotel there. The crowd too big we cannot squeese thru. We go look by ourselves.
Eugchua: i'm at esplande there! i'm heading over

10mins more to go.
me to yc&jc: YOu all got skill one, then someone say confirm can find me lor. you both better come find me... we all here 1 hr liaoz.. this spot very good... (jc gave awkward replies, apparently he is squeezing thru another crowd while talking to me)

me to eugchua: its abt 10 mins more, if cannot find me then you go find a good spot to see the fireworks lor.
......

The display started at 9pm sharp.
Dont know how to upload video into blog, so just too bad.. The display is really good.Though we may not be together during the event, but we all knew we were watching the same things. Just like looking at the moon...

WE had a short outing after everything was over.
Its a happy night.

|[ zofz | 2:08 AM ]|

Thursday, August 10

Ndp2006

I've been coughing since the preview. The medicine perscribe to me has already been finished. The strength that i can exert to do my work is only 60-70% of my normal days. To make things worst, my jobscope for the ndp itself is to much that i even need to approach my boss to help me.

This is the msg i sent upon working throughout last last night: I've did what i can do already. Very tired. I'll leave the keys on the table so you can touch up the rest tml morning. I'll wake up at XXXX am, if die die need me to settle then wake me up lor....

I know to approach for help when there is a need i guess....

NDP itself is ok, just that there got some interesting happenings which is not supposed to be shared online.

THe goody bag is good!!
________________________
Got home today. Mother told me that she is going for the operation next week. So effectively next week, she will be in hospital in days and for the next two months she will be lying in bed at home..... thats assuming the operation is a success.

I recalled the scene in my dreams which i think i mentioned in my previous post. The one abt me crying and crying and crying... Then alot of my relatives died during the ghost month. Spirits take them away...
Especially my family's spirits are all very valuable one... haiz...
(crapping)

|[ zofz | 9:51 PM ]|

Sunday, August 6

breaking down

Making changes comes with a price. Just like those curses we see in movie, you will get curse if u break the seal or something like that...

Now once again, i'm breaking down. Cough, flu, fever...etc...
Its hard to imagine that we were actually going to swensen to eat ice cream 4 hrs ago. My pride doesn't allow me to say 'no' to them. Nonetheless, due to some fortunate incidents, the plan was cancelled.

Was straining myself throughout the entire outing, i don't want the others to see me so 'un-me'. To the extent the outing wasn't really that excited than i thought it would be. I promised them i will plan a better one next time.



I found out today that someone has lied to me.
Its really unfair, especially they are the ones who kept on saying that they hate people who lie to them.
Hypocrites.
My condition worsened after knowing the truth.
Not that i hate hypocrites or those who lied to me
Its just that Whats the point of lying to me?

I'm having headache...

tml onwards will be busy. Lets hope everything goes well..

|[ zofz | 5:31 PM ]|

Saturday, August 5

focus

I found myself doing things i never thought i'll be doing or can do....
Realised once again that if i'm focus in achieving something, the things that i can do is scary... ...

There are just so many things that need me to focus with, I've decided to stop my dance lessons for a month or so.

I've decided that its about time to pull forward a promised made years ago. This decision is encouraged by everyone around me.

|[ zofz | 6:12 PM ]|

spirits

Got to know of this guy call Bey from another platoon. He is 2 yrs older than me and is a nice, friendly person.

It was just last week when i found out his fear. His fear of ghost! He is afraid of going to the toilet alone, going down to the store room cos the entire ground floor is dark, start feeling uncomfortable when we jokingly mention that theres a spirit in the air... I just can't help it but to purposely scare him... knocking on his door when he is alone, wrapping myself in my towel and run across his window. Its just so fun!

It was to the extent that there are people asking me,"you dont believe in ghost meh?"

i replied,"i believe in ghost, but i don't believe that they will show up in front of me!"
They said,"you say liddat, scally later they will find you."
I laughed and said,"find then find lor, as long as they don't look like wk, i wouldn't get scared one" (refer to previous post regarding horrrible scary night)

At times i really want to see such things.

I believe in spirits, and have my own belief on what they are.

|[ zofz | 5:45 PM ]|

Stupid personality test

wk once again forwarded me one of those stupid emails. This time it includes a personality test thingy.

The results is as follows:
1) Priorities of life: career, pride, family, love, money

Quite hard to imagine that i've put my career and money at the two extreme ends. This just shows that i'm not doing work for money. Love and money are the least impt things at hand right now i guess.

2) The second question want me to think of a word that best associate with the given animal. And this is my result:


RAT-- disgusting =personality of enemy
CAT -- cruel= personality of partner
DOG-- smelly= my personality ?? dog really very smelly mah
coffee--bitter = how i interpret sex ?
sea -- magical = my own life

Then it asks abt who you think of upon seeing the following colours, the result is stupid and ridiculous that i refuse to share..

|[ zofz | 10:40 AM ]|

Friday, August 4

calm before the storm...

I must officially announce that for today, tml and the day after, i'll be very free. The next two week will be terrible.

It is only during this calm situation when i started thinking even more...

1) First thing first. I ran 16km this morning. The problem with me running long distances is that my mind, if not focus, will start drifting and start to think of things i've never thought of before. So during the 80mins run, i started to think and think and think.

For some reason, i though of the point of me being myself. There isn't really anything in the world that is truly belongs to me. Things that i owe comes from $$ which i earn with blood and sweat. And even the body doesn't belongs to me, it belongs to the parent. So in a way, the only things that really belongs to me is just my spirit.

Then along the way i started thinking of other rubbish similar to this...

And yah, i ended up coming in the top 8 during this run of more than 100 people.


2) Reached home at around 8pm.
It has been a long time since i've sat down with mother to chit chat. She said something abt operation and will not be able to do anything for the next two months. this operation has been drag for years for the simple fact that she cannot afford not to do anything for 2 months. Cos a)no one will be doing the chores b)she will not be able to move.

She started saying depressing stuff which i always avoid in past conversation. But this time i replied differently. There are promises which i need to keep to myself and responsibility to bear.
And i hope she sensed the difference and go for the operation without any worry.

Mother is a amazing woman who lives in regrets. She never fails to keep on thinking what if she had made another choice in the past. I wanted to tell her that her problems will always be there if she keeps on dwelling on the past regrets. The past make up of what you are now, there is no point regreting for the actions done. Regreting will only make you feel worst. i never regret.

Then we started saying the same old conversation abt how fortunate she is already so dont need to regret, but this time she added something extra:
"if your father got mistress or don't earn money, i will certainly be happier. Cos i'll have a reason to file for divorce. Then i don't need to have the problems to worry."

Then i started sharing to her abt a friend whose mother died years ago because of the father's sin, she replied,"I would rather die early, don't need to bother of so many things"

That really made me wonder why she always says i'm the one who is stubborn....

|[ zofz | 9:39 PM ]|

Wednesday, August 2

So busy So tired So alive

Notice the frequecy of my post has decreased.
Very busy
Till the extent quite alot of us fell sick recently.
Till the extent i kept on sending mass smses to people so that they can reply "hey go out leh", then i can reply "aiyah! very busy" then they will ask what i've been doing and stuff....
Till the extent that i can call someone else up suddenly and say "aye! next month we find one day go out? k set har!" and hung up, just wanted to have a confirmation that this busy period will end and i'll have my well deserved fun..

But of cos, i can choose not be so busy. Its within my control. Nonetheless, i'm starting to enjoy the feeling of doing things, keeping myself busy, making myself useful, leaving myself in a tired state physically.

Sleeping is a waste of time. I'm trying to force myself to sleep less, so i can spend more time doing more things.
I've not played online games for weeks, and i'm proud of that. I feel that i go so much time to achieve more.

Read the news days ago, telling abt the nacissisiam sydrome with people who blogs. Everything is abt ME!

But whatever i'm doing right now, is definitly not for myself alone....

|[ zofz | 10:50 PM ]|