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Saturday, September 30

do's and don'ts

As much as i tried my best to deny, there are two commonly edible things in this world which i don't take. I would rather kill myself than to consume the following:

1)beer
2)chilli


mr wei cai is one of the few who witness me consuming the two on two occasions. You can ask him, how these two and me cannot be mixed.


2 more mins to the end of september.
Happy children's day!

|[ zofz | 11:44 PM ]|

Friday, September 29

a little more things about me

Here is something more about me.

I'm always a very traditional person, cos i'm from a traditional family.

师， 育，维，英，增， 光， 家，国，永，庆，平，成。

(do use unicode to view the above)

For those who doesn't know, there are some family who uses a specific name for the member of each generation. It is to keep track of their own generation and bei1 fen4.

For me, i'm the 7th generation born under the moonless night during the 7th day of the 7th month. (sounds crappy, but its just so happen to be liddat)

so by right my name supposed to have to word ‘光‘ or in english 'light'.
Then my children will follow through with the name "家‘... so on and so forth.

As most would have known, the singer alan tam yonglin. His name contain "永’, if it follows the sequence, he shld be by right 3 generation my junior.

Perhaps that is why i kept on saying that i wanted to be the Light. And even things like 'i want to make myself shine even brighter than anyone else'. It sounds cool in a way ba.

And because my name is not what its supposed to be, i like it even more. ITs breaking away from the tradition i would say.
it made me so pround to tell everyone ,"大家好，我是谭腾达！”

|[ zofz | 10:33 PM ]|

Thursday, September 28

introvert x extrovert

i've typed a long essay abt our conversation with our unit rsm today regarding several things.

But it suddenly disappear! i don't really feel like retyping again.

I'll do it in point form ba

when and Where: today's unit cohension day during the bbq chalet
who: rsm, navin and me
why: ??
what:
1) his definition of introvert: someone who will not make a move unless they accessed the situation they are in are safe and they are comfortable in it.

2)always believe in yourself
3)never look down on people
4)must open your heart for people to help you when you are depress
5) he force me to a tiger which i declined very stubbornly

|[ zofz | 11:17 PM ]|

Wednesday, September 27

'A' always come before 'B'

I'm always proud of my name for it starts with 'A'.
IT will mean that i'll always be first on the list and be the number 1!

Maybe its coincidence that my junior's name starts with 'B'. Then i can keep on saying that i'm always better cos 'A' always come before 'B'!

For the past two days i think i've expect him to perform too much. In fact i was just trying my best to duplicate another 'me'. I guess i was too hard on him. Despite of the similarties we may have, i'm still unqiue and special, there are just no way that i can 100% train another one to become as good as i am... (erm... haha.. yah! )

My goal and dreams are different from normal people. That was why i've been trying so hard.
I can't give up, i want to shine brighter than any other star.

Sprained my leg yesterday during squash. It was so scary to hear the loud 'crack' sound at that instant and everything just went down... i almost cried.... it was just so painful.
Instead of going back home or going to see a doctor, i did what i always do. Pretend nothing had happened. I promised myself on monday (during the horrible day) that i'll be back to my spirited self on tuesday! I wouldn't allow myself to be bogged down by such pain.

Went back camp and used my medicated oil to massage. i didn't know i'm so rough when i massage others. The swelling was just like orange and i 'easily' massaged it back to normal size.

Actually, another reason why i head back camp despite the injuries is that i promised boss i'll teach him as much as i can. At times it really disappoints me to see him getting tired so easily. It is just so unlike me. People who gets tired and give up easily doesn't shine as bright, i guess.

|[ zofz | 9:19 PM ]|

Monday, September 25

will not let anyone to spoil my day!

Everything went terribly wrong today!

Several things happened which made me disgusted. Moreover, i got a splitting headache since yeseterday which made things worst.

It made me very very grumpy from the start of my day at 6am. Not many would have realised that cos i always forced out a smile.
Its something i've promised myself, no matter what horrible things that falls upon me, i'll face it with a smile. I'll not let anyone or thing spoil my day!

Normally, i can get through such difficult period without any problem. Nonetheless, with both physical and mental problems combine even super human like me will have some setbacks. More problem arises when i wasn't able to think clearly due to my original problem. Poor weixiang has to repeat things again and again just for me, (yet in the end i didn't settle the things for him though i keep on saying no problem) and he tot i'm making fun of him cos i looked ok and good.

The only person who really made my day was during the afternoon when the first person who really noticed that i'm different.
The storeman, guankheng. He is just an aquaintance i got to know in my unit. Yet, during my few mins of going there to exchange for new bedsheets, he asked me if i'm ok!

i look that bad meh? i replied, putting up a strong front.
you just look different from your normal self since this morning he said
dunno leh, depression ba. having thoughts of sucide, feel like crying all the time.i crapped

Then just as i took my bedsheets and leave, he told me to be spirited again!
I gave a very tired smile and said,'let me to be depress for today, tml i'll go back normal ok! haha"

I really want to thank him.

I left camp afterthat, actually wanted to go home to sleep. But in the end met up with wc and tried the alcohol therapy-- Mother's secret to good health.

As far as i'm concern, it really does help in headache and some sickness. But drinking it after an operation? when will she ever learn..

My physical problem shld be ok after a good night's rest. All that is left should be ok.

|[ zofz | 11:06 PM ]|

Friday, September 22

benn Seah

Notice i never mentioned any names in my blog before due to several reasons.

But for once i wanted to just shout out these names:

Benn SEAH
Teow Yue HAN
Joseph YAP
Jun LianG

These people will be taking over us from now on.

Particularly, BEnn SeaH who will be my direct junior. He will take over all my resposibility. And be warn, it will not be easy.

I feel as is i'm back in secondary school again when i have juniors under me. Peer support, NPCC, student councillor, chinese orchestra...Even though i'm starting to forget their faces and names, but they are always something that i can be pround of and they hence became my own moral support.
For all i know, i'm back to my old indiviualistic self. In which 'those that are under me i'll make sure its the best, those belong to others i'll not care abt them' It reminds me of the similiarities between me and alice teo who always says,"you not going to be under me, i teach you for what?"

Mr benn seah is the last person i got to know among all the people from his batch. And for that, i got the hint that we share many similiarities.
And upon knowing more abt him, it really made me wonder if he is just a replica of me.
Because of that, i'm worried.... ...

I know myself. For my personality, i can go this far is mainly because i've been through worst. For him, i don't know if he has been through the experience. In any case that he doesn't, he must be prepared for the worst to come.

I couldn't help it but to worry for him.

That was why instead of addressing by his name, i called him 'AYE'.
I tried my best not to smile and be at my sternest tone when talking to him.
I threw him down the well to let him climb out himself (not literally )
I kept on emphasizing that there are just too many things for him to learn
And warned him that 'if you don't want to learn, jolly well tell me. I'll just leave you alone for you to mess things up"
I said indirectly to his face that "i never considered him as my understudy"

All in all, i threated him indifferently. Mean to him as well. I think i'll go on like this for the next 2 weeks or so ba.

my dear ignorant juniors ah, when can you ever understand of the importance of my work? When can you just come to me and say that you are willing to learn everything from me?

|[ zofz | 10:55 PM ]|

Wednesday, September 20

so smooth...

Everything in my life has been going very smoothly these 2 yrs to the extent that at times, it really frightens me.

Certainly, there are times when i felt uncomfortable but everything turns out fine eventually.

It is just like the life i'm living is planned nicely out for me. The things i want will just pop out in front of me, the people around me are kind to me. All my expectations are met. There is absolutely no big problems that i'm experiencing. I really don't know what more to expect from life.

Or am i just living comfortably in my own world?

|[ zofz | 12:33 PM ]|

Tuesday, September 19

buying for a friend

upon numerous shopping experience i discovered the best way of communicating with the sales girl is to state clearly that "i'm buying this as a present for a friend" be it buying for myself or not.

Seriously, alot of persuading tactics commonly use by those sales people will be nullified, making them more friendly then usual.

If they know i'm buying for myself, they will say stuff like:

1)This looks very good on you! its worth the price!
2)you seriously need to get this, you are in a terrible state!
3) (then when u find something u really like and its cheaper) this doesn't look nice on you, if you buying for yourself, you should buy something that if of better quality. Let me recommend you something better.
4)AT times you shld pamper yourself, what are you working as..?..(and they slowly dig out your personal info and attack from there)

If i told them i'm buying for a friend, i can say things like:
1) this one just normal friend, don't need to buy too expensive one
2) I think this looks good on him/her. (then i can have more variety of choices and choose what i like )
3) He just a normal friend i knew, i only know that he is....(i don't need to say so much details for them to attack)
4) I really want to buy something, but don't know what to buy ( then they will be more willing to open up every drawers and cupboard just for you)

|[ zofz | 3:01 PM ]|

he's back

My boss is back after 2 weeks of absence.
for those who do not know what had happened, he was riding his bike when he met with an accident.

Things get very messy these 2 weeks. If its any other day, it wouldn't be affecting me much. Nonetheless, this two weeks is the imf week! Eventually it is me that i need to settle everything!
Don't worry! leave everything to me! i assured to everybody who was asking me if i can manage or not.

In a way, i'm managing 3 people's work at one go.

Imagine being in the conference room where all the people there are high ranking officers and i was the only one who is representing my team attending. phew... If i didn't mess up anything i'll be very happy already.

He's back. Things can go back to normal. He can settle every possible things for me and i can just sit back and relax. As much as i pity him upon seeing his scars at everyparts of his body, there is nothing much i can do to help.

My juniors are coming in very soon.... there are two more i've yet to know their names.

|[ zofz | 12:23 PM ]|

Friday, September 15

shopping....again?

was shopping for a present yesterday.
A necklace or any accessory will be fine. So i went into a jewelry store to enquire the price.

The sales girl introduced me to their necklace.
A white gold chain will cost abt $600, and thats just the chain only.
She then introduced me to other material such as stainless steel.
The chain itself is average $50, the pendant will be another $50 roughly...
It quite amusing to see a chain which is designed exactly the same as my lanyard to be of that price.

I switched my attention to their bracelet. Its another of those white gold which averaged $100-200...
i really wondered what white gold is.

its just like silver, just that silver will turn black after time, white gold doesn't.

Upon searching at dictionary.com it appears to me that white gold are actually alloy of gold and other metal such as nickel. And so i wondered, there are people who spend $$ buying gold, just that the gold is white color. No difference betwen cheaper metal such as silver or steel.

It was around that time, the other salegirl served me tea. 'Its a welcome tea', she said.
The GEMS project is really remarkable, or are all jewelry store are like so?

Anyway, the tea is of better quality i would say. Not those cheap lipton tea which mac sells for $1.70, which is ridiculous. But i only took a sip before enquiring more things.

Since i'm already in the store i might as well learn more abt its price of their items.
They showed me their earrings.
Its cost $200 as they got diamond in them! Its quite cool i would say.
I'm still pondering if i want to buy...hmmm choices...

Really wonder if i'll buy for myself one of these days..

|[ zofz | 4:07 PM ]|

Tuesday, September 12

phew! what a day

Today I am supposed to be in camp doing my imf duty. But due to some changes, i find myself resting at home.

Mother was feeling ok and wanted to go westmall to shop! so she asked me to go with her. We were abt to leave the house when father said that he wanted to tag along. And so, mother sat on the passenger seat, and father sat behind.

Since for the first time i have customers to drive. i warned them
mother you help me check the left blind spot, father u check the right hor... anything happens dont blame me cos u didnt help me check..

And off we go! The problem comes whem we reached the carpark. Since i have never done reverse parking from the right side, things get alittle messy. Father was the first to get out to guide me from the right. Mother feeling uneasy got out and guide me from the left!

I apparently block up the entire road, resulting in a long queue of people waiting for me to clear the road... Within 2 mins everything is settled.

We went to the library. I borrowed a book call 'wicked' the title just attracts me to borrow it. The book is abt the point of view of the witch in the wizard of oz. Tells us why is she so wicked and mean... maybe it can give me a glimpse of the cause of why some people are bad.

We shopped for moon cakes and fish!

For the first time in my life, i made an effort to recognise some fish(es).



This is the promfret.... i cant really rmb its chinese name though... its the fish we normally see being steamed with ginger..yum yum





This is a tuna! goes well with bread..






This is a shi ban yu 石斑鱼。 Its another common dish. easily rmb its chinese name cos of its spots. Its skin is often very smooth and easily come off. Alot of meat and not so much bones. english is gropper , or gro...somthing... can't rmb




Oh no! i can't rmb what is this... bass?? help anyone??




k fine... i only manage to learn and recognise 3 fish...but its a good start, i guess.

All hungry now... tata!

|[ zofz | 6:24 PM ]|

Monday, September 11

art??

Went out with jb on the last min meeting. We were deciding on where to go when i suggested abt the art showcase everyone is talking abt and singapore is proud of. As much as jb having absolutely no genes or appreciation of art, he agreed to go down to orchard to have a look...

The first thing we saw upon reaching orchard is the red tree with white poka dots....

is that art? its just like the trees got some diseases liddat...

And thats all for our art appreciation day!
For that was the first and only art piece we saw, perhaps there are others pieces which we didn't notice. Maybe we just bypassed them without realises they are art work...
hmm

The day is so peaceful. Two of us doing window shopping, critisizing every single item we can lay our hands on in the store.
I couldn't stop thinking that he and i have extreme personalities which are very different. We have totally different perception of life and how we going to live it.
Normally people who are living in the same environment for a long time will tend to behave quite similar. Perhaps we are both stubborn in our own way, to refuse to change.

Went to run at 10pm just now. Its something i'm missing these few days. If i don't exercise, i'll get more tired easily. Why are there some people who are so stubborn not to heed my advice... haiz..

|[ zofz | 11:00 PM ]|

3rd coffee

Believe or not, i've only drank coffee 3 times in my life.

The first time was during secondary 4 prelim. I was mugging till late late. It was at time moment i recalled someone told me that drinking coffee can make u more alert. Being a very competitive person who doesn't want to stop studying due to sleep, i went down to make myself my first coffee. It was horrible. I almost vomited after my first mouthful. Tried to gaggle down a few more mouthful until i really cannot take it anymore.

I swore that i'll nv drink coffee again....

The second time was two yrs later during the holidays after my A lvls. Ch, gh and i were sort of being involved in some job opportunity. The manager there was kind enough to offer us a cup of coffee each while we discuss impt points. Even though reluctant, i forced myself to finish half the cup.... i can only manage half a cup....

I swore that i'll nv drink coffee again....

The 3rd time was another 2 yrs later. Last week, 8th of september. One of the most impt day which i'm proud of. It was then i was offered a can of coffee. The coffee was bought just for me. Its impolite not to drink some or to turn down the drink. At that time I was so stressed that i dont reallyy feel anything. I ended up drinking the entire can....

|[ zofz | 6:07 PM ]|

-_-|||

This unbelievable sense of accomplishment is losing its impact already. As much as i'm proud of what i did, it is a obstacle of mine only. To any other people its just another day, wouldn't mean much to them.

i've been sleeping alot lately.
Feel tired very easily nowadays.
Even without brushing my teeth at couple of nights... my electronic toothbrush is down, i'm going to get one soon...

I suddenly feel like doing something which i've always been wanting to do.But i'm just too tired to do it now... going to sleep soon, will start the action tml.

AFter my ns period, something big will happen.... stay toon..

|[ zofz | 12:49 AM ]|

Saturday, September 9

I'm So good

I've work up at 6am yesterday... that means i've been awake for 22 hrs already!!

The past 22 hrs is truely a great experience, a story of A lifetime... mylifetime....For if its anyother people, its just another day.

The 10% chance of success, has once again proven that as long as i put my mind into it, anything is possible.

I suddenly got to be reminded when everything is over that that day is coincidentally the death annivesary of grandfather. Maybe he is there to support me as well....

There are just so many things i wanted to share... ...
I'm just so good...

|[ zofz | 4:16 AM ]|

Thursday, September 7

Fullmoon...

"The moon doesn't shine by itself, it needs the support of those around it to make it shine even brighter..."

At times i'm surprised to know who many people are there to support me. It is to the extent that i need to go abt doing my usual reverse psychology stuff of telling everyone, "To all my fans! thank you for your support!" to make them less supportive and normal.

Tml will be a very important day for me. I need all the support i can get from everybody, its a battle that i can only fight alone.

I need to maintain this feeling of being invincible more than ever...

i went out with nicholas, my peer support junior last sunday. Coincidentally, he bought me something from india...





tada!!

Its a blessed something from india! There are packets of envelop...blue white red, yellow.. According to him, They contain some seed herbs which are blessed. I need to put it in my mouth and feel the taste until the taste disappear inwhich i can swollow.

Then the cloth which winds around it? its a necklance like thing, it is to be worn around the neck when i'm feeling down... It have a accuminative effect of 2hrs, after which i need to hang it on a vegetation so that the vegetation can receiving the blessing as well!

You really need the right kind of person to make your day once in a while...

I've spent a few mins of my time today to wonder who are those people who had helped me through. Too many i would say. They are just like the passing wind, before u realised that they are making ur day, they are already gone... You don't even rmb that they existed in the first place...

I always bragged that i'm very lucky. Its not that luck is always by your side, but its just that you need to feel that whatever is happening to you is something good. No matter how worst the situation is, i'll take it positively and continue move on, with a Smile of cos... Its something i'm getting good at during these 2 yrs. As long as your mindset is right, i'm always lucky anywhere...

Once u feel lucky, you will be so.... Its never the other way round.. just like anything else.

ps... this is to remind myself to eat the herb to receive the blessing tml...
TD! JiaYou....

|[ zofz | 8:14 PM ]|

Saturday, September 2

The window fogged by my sigh blurs the endless unfeeling light
For all that goes beyond the path of life, sorrow piercing through the heart. No longer pain, for there is not other places to get injure anymore.

the impatient fingers shook the silent night added soul
Ever wonder why Upon 12 midnight,cinderella never turn her head back to see her prince one more time?
Without magic, cinderella will never become a princess. Without magic, cinderella will never have the courage to face her prince.

Let there be some magical feeling in this lonely world.

|[ zofz | 11:40 AM ]|

浮躁

九月里，平淡无聊
一切都好，只缺烦恼。。。

|[ zofz | 11:34 AM ]|

intoxication

i'm starting to enjoy the feeling of intoxication...
starting to understand why peopple are willing to spend the $ to experience this feeling...
i've read a passage once before which said that only those who can understand their own true feeling can be intoxicated... Since my mind is clear enough to blog, guess that i've a long way to go...

|[ zofz | 1:18 AM ]|