|[ zofz | 7:48 PM ]|

Saturday, November 4

ben (奔)

Had a 2d/2n chalet back in camp.
Mainly Thur night, friday (d/n) and sat day.

By right i should be using up all my off and be resting (or shld i say doing nothing) at home.

Several reasons:
1)My pride doesn't allow me to do so.
2)i got this gut feeling that i can achieve alot more in the chalet.
3)I want my last days in army to be fulfilling as always.
4)cos i want to make full use of their facilities...
5) if its 'one more day' that i can change the life of others, why not?

a)The 'sleep over talk' with yiguang and edwin was so fun. Chated so many stuff. Too bad we don't have a big blanket and touchlight and snacks. If its not because of his duty the day after i would be chatting with them till morning.

b)Morning was the run.
'This is really my last run in the unit compound,' I told zhuoyu (who came in 2nd),'lets make it big!'

I wanted to show everyone that as long as you don't give up, anything is possible. That is my last words of encouragement to everybody else.

I suddenly like the name 'Ben', because its the hanyu for the chinese word "to run". This blog is started of with the lyrics from the song 'ben', start running from the start line! Hence i want to end it off with a sprint! Nonetheless, i'm greedy, i don't want to just sprint, i wanted to fly. We flew in the end.

c)i spent the whole of afternoon and evening fulfilling my promise. Don't hate me.

d) I'm surprise that a friend i hardly know much talked to me about his problems. I'm very happy that someone opened up to you to share their problems with you. We chatted for 3 hrs. I imparted all optimistic philosophy to him.Really hope he can pull through his darkess period.
I ended off with,"only you can make yourself shine brighter than any other star!"

By living 'one more day', i did so many good things. I'm such a necessity to this world.. haha..

|[ zofz | 8:46 PM ]|

Thursday, November 2

loyalle

(i'm delicating my last few posts of the blog to Loyalle)

The scene of the day when we crossed path never failed to haunt me till this day.

It was the 7th july 2005, (the 2nd of june on the lunar calender.)
I was given the choice by wo tan chun kiat.
If i choose to enter unit 36, Loyalle will be in unit 39, and vice versa.

"What will you choose?" he said, in a very neutral tone and look,"whatever you choose i'll support you."

My thoughts was complex and deep, and fogged due to guard duty the day before..

'I'm already determined to go 39,' i scolded myself,' why am i still procrastinating? what is it that is holding me back?'

In all aspects, 39 is of advantage to me. In the first place, I tried so hard in my selection just because i wanted to be involved with 39.Loyalle? I knew he wanted to be in 36, its advantagous to him in terms of location from home and stuff.
But deep down my heart was screaming to think again.

The fact that this decision had to be made on that specific day might seem to be a sign for me. Perhaps a 'present', whichever i chose would be the best option made.

I eventually made a decision, my own decision. to be where i am in now.

when wo tan chunkiat asked me why i've made my original decision and changed it in the end, i just said its cos i wanted to be in control of the situation. Which is a lie..

And here i am.

At times, i wondered how things will turn out if i sticked to my original decision. Will i be happy? will the others be happy?
How abt loyalle. For sure he is enjoying his stay. However, will he be even better off here? Perhaps due to the luck factor, he might be activated and died? Its impossible to know.

That was why you rarely see me complaining in the unit. I have no rights to do so. It could be loyalle who is the one in my place. I'm doing everything in his part i say.

It never fails to make me wonder about this everytime i see him during events. We will certainly ask each other if we are happy.

This suddenly reminded me of the "parallel world" in which two similar people living in two different world, at times the world collides and the two people switched place.(or one go into the other's)

We share so much in common. Both middle child symdrome... I wonder what will happen if we are not 'either or' but to be placed together...

Wondering can be endless, i shall stop doing so.

Checkmate!!

|[ zofz | 8:45 PM ]|

All i wanted....

我只想坚持着我的信念，
潇洒自在，轰轰烈烈地跑完这段短暂的人生。
当然也无遗憾。
在着乱世里，保持着我那纯洁之心与独一的灵魂。

All i wanted is to firmly hold on to my beliefs.
Living in a life of being unrestrain，with style and attitude.
Certainly, with no regrats
In this chaotic world, preserving my heart of purity and unique soul.

We will only experience freefall when there is only ONE force acting on an object. Hence, if one wants to be truely free, there can be only one force that is driving one along.
The entire universe is driven by a will.
Let me be willful again.

|[ zofz | 8:18 PM ]|

Wednesday, November 1

darkness dreams

'Even if falling into the
darkness
can be a condition
for happiness

if i could keep my promise
just to meet you once more,

then
i would do anything possible.

If i could see you once more,

I

would be able to overcome anything '

Many had asked me why am i pushing myself so hard in many aspects.
At times, i feel so dirty in this darkness i've submerged into, because of a promise.
But because of this, I have to shine even brighter to cover up my scars and sadness.
As simple as that.
Nonetheless, no matter how much i tried to shine, can you see it from the other side of the world?

|[ zofz | 10:15 PM ]|

oh my! oh my!!

I don't go around taking picture of anyone i come across the street, really. This is the first thing i have to make clear before i start. I am totally incapable of do such things. So if anyone wants to give credits to the following picture its not me.

Here!













To anyone who first see this picture, of one guy puting his arms over the shoulder of another guy, it will seem ok. (I myself put more stuff over other people, but thats another story. ) BUT, the thing is that the shoulder is not the only place the hand was fiddling .

Weicai and i were shopping at suntec just now. We were heading towards the citylink so we can take the mrt. It was then i looked behind and something caught my eye.

Two guys were holding hands... how lovely...

Of cos it doesn't really interest me much, its normal to hold one's hands.... isn't it? Its just like shaking hands or arm wrestling... Eitherway, i took a glimpse and moved on.

It was during when we were up the escalator when in the corner of my eye, i think i saw something.... thats when i asked wc,"Are those two behind doing something not right?"

It took him a second or two before he realised something and turn back.

"oh my!"he said. And that confirmed what i think i saw. They were hugging one other. How lovey dovey...

We soon started chatting and before we knew it, the 'couple' were already infront of us. That was when we observed the fiddling part.

First, the hands still at the shoulder.Then it slowly moved down to the back and placed nicely at the belt level. Touch here, touch there...

All the way from suntec to city hall mrt. At times the hand will just encompass the head and moved it to the chest.... yah. So its something like, hand rubbing the hair, head rubbing the chest or something liddat.

I can't believe i'm writing this in my last few posts in this blog....

|[ zofz | 12:41 AM ]|