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Thursday, October 26

out oUT OUT !!

Being a ording personnel can be such a hassle.

There are just so many things to complete and u just can't use the excuse of 'i need to be in camp, no time to do' anymore. Yup! there is no time to lose anymore, no more excuses to give for not doing.

For those who knew me well enough to observe how my wallet looks. Yes, its always been a terrible shape. EVERYBODY asked why is my wallet packed with receipt!!

The truth is....

I don't want to forget. One of the most horrible thing that can happen to anyone is that we forget things that happens to us especially good experience...
By keeping receipt and ticket stubs, in a way whenever i look at it i'll recall that i've actually done something before, something that i'll never recall on my own.
Call me a sentimental person. All my memories and experience are impt to me, they are powers that made me stronger than before, i don't want to lose these powers.

What if i say my cupboards are filled and packed with 'memories'?

Those who have seen my wallet will have a horrible sight.
yes, its packed with the memories from my secondary and jc school days. Basically all my notes and text books.

I have to throw them away to make way for new things to come.
There are just so many things that i can't bear to throw away. But Someone once said "she3 de2" you must first "she3" in order to "de2"

And for the past 2 hrs, i've been trying my best to get myself to dispose every thing i can. And recalling of the experience i had in the past...

The first stack of notes i picked out was the maths paper, in chinese.That can only meant Mr shao weida. I missed him so much.
He was the only teacher who seen me through my 4 yrs in maris stella. He is 80 or 90 yrs old already, i think. He teaches maths in chinese.
When i first saw him walking around, i thought he was the school attendant or cleaner.
I could bearly understand him when i was in sec 1 cos he accent was like "ra ra la". When i told my mother abt him, i addressed him as "rarala lao shi"

His maths lesson is the most exciting. In his one piece of hand written worksheet everyweek, its where my interest in maths grew. And as interest grew, the more better i am in maths. It was during sec 2 when he showed me one of the project he made using bicycle wheels that i recalled that i've seen him in the newspaper when i was in primary school. He was amazing.
Shao lao shi live in the school, his only mode of transport to the outside world is his bicycle. He hates me for being so involved in npcc.
I'm glad i was able to see him one last time when i was in j1 before he went back to china.
Because of him, i took f maths in jc. Nevertheless, i ended up failing not only him but also myself miserably. For the first time in my life i've failed a maths test and got a Big O in JC. It was the most demoralising period i've ever been. I've actually lost my passion for maths. I post this up before that i've dreamt of him last yr, he was asking me very angrily in chinese,"where is your light?"
He is now part of my history, part of me. For him i'll be stronger, i'm more determined not to give up. So with that in mind, Maths notes and textbooks, OUT OUT OUT!!


Then it was the English file. The very first piece i saw was "spell me right" its a list of commonly misspelled words like "unnecessary" (or isit 'uneccessary') and "collapsed"...etc... Ms Tan laihua is a teacher who seen me through during sec 1,3 and4. I've let her down. During the 4 yrs in secondary school, i never knew why i just couldn't do well in english. It was during JC period when mr yee came to me and told me something that i've been doing that i myself didn't realised.

Tengda, you are always running away from your problem of not doing well in english.

It made perfect sense, i knew i didn't do well in my essay, i run away from it by not daring to take a look at it, by not daring to approach the teacher for help in the fear that they will just scold me for not doing well. Ms Tan is the library incharge, she always encourages us to go down to the library to borrow books to improve ourselves, she is just so kind. She has been trying her best to teach me all these while, yet because of my fear that made her effort gone to waste. I've let her down so much.

I took out the "spell me right" and a few inspirational notes , and the rest of the worksheets OUT OUT OUT!!

Chinese vocabulary handbooks was next on the self.
They never fail to give me the creeps of recalling the days we were memorising chinese words from the books. Mother was the one teaching, giving me spelling of the same words over and over again. Imagine being a mother and have to go through the same things with ur eldest daughter, eldest son and youngest son.
She never gave up. I've never regarded my chinese teacher in school as my chinese teacher. Mr han lf (sec1), he did his part in being the form teacher and helping the student in their problem but never really taught well...(not that i can rmb at least). Ms Lam sm (sec2) did a good job in instilling interest in chinese within us, i must agree that she IS a good teacher. Lastly was mr kay rentat, he just a slacker who became the hod of chinese for some reasons.

My mother tried her best in the only part she can in our studies. I don't want to lose this knowledge, i don't want her effort to go to waste.
Chinese vocabulary handbook, out out out!!


Next was homeecons and design and tech.
I can only recall ms liew. The loud n noisy . It is only with her around that i need to morph into my bitchy self to protect myself from her attacks. I can recall the glorious days when i always get perfect score for both design n tech and homeecones. Everybody else hates them. But it seems that i was the only one enjoying it since i'm so good at it. I took a glimps that all my assignment that had perfect score before saying 'out you go!'.

For physics, chem, and bio. I'm keeping them for they are certainly of some use in the future. TYS Out you go!!

Pheww!
Clearing stuff away can be so tired both mentally and physically...Just some stuff reminded me of so many impt people i wanted to rmb forever, i wonder how long do i need to take to finish everything .

|[ zofz | 12:46 AM ]|