links

Wednesday, July 5

How long was it since we last change our bedsheets?

"How long was it since we last change our bedsheets?"

This is the sentence i wanted to ask nv today, i ended up asking several times with the below combinations, rephrasing it upon knowing the sentence was wrong:

"how long since was it..."
"how long since have we been changing our..."
"since how long have we last change.."
"Our bedsheets have been changing for how long.."

"Aiyah! Our bedsheets how long haven changed har?"

nv: "Cannot! I will not reply you unless you get your sentence right!"

It continued for a few more tries and i gave up...

Why is that so?

Simply, I can't get myself to concentrate recently. The powerful feeling inside me is not strong enough to support the lost and insecure mood i've been having.

IF i'm living in the whole all by myself, this powerful feeling will be able keep me strong forever. The selfish, irresponsible me will be happy. During this period when i just look into the interest of myself, accept everything as it is, enjoying every moment of it, i can be very happy.

You are not alone.
my boss, kenneth, has been giving me advice which made me feel that there are more things out there in this world i can do and need to do. There are things that i need to be done, goals need to be fulfilled, dreams to be chased. And with my current satisfaction of life, it is certainly not enough to fulfill my goal.

" Differentiate reality from fantasy!" he said.

THOUGH I'M NOT RUNNING AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS ANYMORE, AND HAVE COURAGE TO FACE IT, I STILL DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHANGE IT.

Fantasy: I don't want to grow up. I can forever be willful and irresponsible. I can depend on father and mother for anything i want. I can throw tantrums anytime i want and people will give in to me. The problems can be left for others to settle, i don't need to care. I can be lazy, other people can help me do. I'm pure, nothing can pollute me into the dirty reality.
By living in this fantasy, i can be very happy until something happens and i'll just collapse.

Reality: I have grown up. There are people who are dependent on me to shine, there are people who needs me to solve their problems. I can't be willful and irresponsible anymore. There are goals and dreams that need to be pursued. Throwing tantrums can't get you anywhere for no one will pity you and give in to you. There are responsiblities that only i can accomplish, deep down i know.
There are so much more i can achieve.

Father, for the first time in my life, talked to me very seriously abt life as well. He too was giving me advice. A certain indication that something must be improved.

There are some points which both said exactly the same!! which is so xie men, or nicer way, coincidental.

Today is my boss birthday, i bought him a very intricate, unique shaped anti-wind lighter so he can smoke any time any where. It was engraved with our team's initial, A.K.A. Alex, kenneth and me. He too was having some pre birthday blues yesterday, singing funny songs and telling me weird things when driving me in his car... I guess, it happens to everyone.

I found jy to be very li hai and liao bu qi, i really admired her for her strength, and character, polly built up from a young age due to her family problems. Despite her mother's death and father's actions, she was still able to cover up the scars she was suffering and continue to shine brightly. Death, upon anyone in my family is something i dare not think of... If something like that happens to me, i really got no idea what to do, maybe i'll just sit on corner and daze around till something else happen i guess.

"This character is brought up by situation." she said the night before.

And because of that, i think that what makes her so special to the extent there are people i know who like her (despite the package!! haha opps :p). And polly thats why, i still stay in contact with her. She's a amazing friend.

Called jy and alan the night before, to share my feeling of lost, and insecurity. I'm glad they are willing to listen to the rubbish i don't even know what i'm talking abt. Alan knew for he too experienced it. Jy just know i'm acting super non-td. She did what she always do best, to listen. (and i still dont know how come everytime i talk to her i will always burst into the super enthusiastic mood and that always do the trick. maybe deep down, i know she suffers more than me, mine is incomparable to hers, unconsciously i will appreciate the good things i'm having and suddenly become very happy.) Alan is a supercool friend to have, i'll norminate him for the best friend award for knowing my thoughts so well if this exist...

I have been doing what i always do best for the last few times. 1) throwing tantrums in front of everybody, 2) being a nusance and insensitive by disturbing from their sleep 3) being irritating 4)acting gay and gaying around 5) being lazy by throwing work to others to do

I think i'll miss all these behaviour as i grow up. Of cos maybe i'll do something like that once in a while ba....

I make a pact to myself once again. I'll QUIT playing maple and silkroad from now on. Games like that will never end. My dreams and goal cannot be afforded to be stopped by time. If there is a need, i may just del away my account.

At times like this, i really need everyone who knows me to support me.

Do give me your support. So in the near future i can announce "To all my fans! thanks for your support thoughout these few yrs!"

This is the moment, the most crucial moment.

Show time!

|[ zofz | 9:45 PM ]|